I wrote this last month for my writer’s group. Might as well share it now.
It seems to me that the world started falling apart after you were hit. Of course it’s not a sudden thing, but the clarity of it, no one can ignore. It’s been a week since the election. My heart is so heavy. You led me through so many of these things in the world, we’d hash these concepts out in the safety of our own walls. I didn’t always agree, but over time, I saw that you were most often right. No matter what, at least we weren’t alone. I miss having you here for this, it’s hard to be alone at home with my thoughts about humanity. It used to be us against the world within our walls. Now it’s just me by myself.
I used to half-joke that when David Bowie left the planet in January, he knew what he was doing. And as the year progressed, many of his kindred spirits decided to heed the call from space. The men who fell to earth took off again. 2016 has been a tough year, I wish you hadn’t left me alone in it. I know you held on as long as you could. You never meant to leave me.
This is a different kind of loneliness than I’ve felt for you yet. The truth is…even with your mind and body so severely disabled, we still had each other. There was purpose in caring for you, great love from the soul. And now that you are gone, the world has become even weirder and it seems the accepted rules of society are suddenly merely guidelines, it seems. Everything is upside down and tragic. I feel the pain of your absence anew. I still have to live in this changed world, and figure it out without you.
Justine’s lates drawing.
27
…. it is a crazy world.
I’m so sorry for all of the pain and grief…
I’m glad you can write it out. I hope in some small way it helps? A drop in the bucket…
I LOVE Justines drawing. I would wear that as a T-Shirt.
PS
the more crappy the world is -The more beautiful the peace of Jesus is…
( I am finding that to be true anyway…)
Justine’s drawings are INSANE. 🙂 I don’t feel as sad now as when I wrote this, you can be assured of that. I just figure it felt good to get this out, perhaps someone else can identify?
Allison,
This was a dark time for you but just stick with it and you will pull yourself out on the other side. We love you and are so sorry that you are going thru this but this is a necessary thing.
Hugs,
Becky
Your words break through the shallowness, Ali. The root meaning of compassion is com = with, and passion = pain. This is you, “As I make my way toward Sheol,” as an ancient Irish mystic once said. Our culture ignores this, but you move into it, to visit and engage, with your God who gives you peace. This is the admirable thing, which adds to your beauty. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Your willingness to keep touching and sharing deep places of pain and confusion are always, always, so inspiring and seem to prick those places of pain and struggle in my own heart that are begging for unspoken words to be laid down on paper. You have inspired me to begin again to write. Seems only the very brave are willing to wade into the darkness of pain & suffering & then share it with others.