“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.Our times are in his hand who saith, ‘A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!”
I had the privilege of photographing a wedding last weekend, and of course hearing the traditional vows struck a sweet chord in me, as Vernon and I repeated the very same ones, both in court and in a fancy ceremony. When we were planning our own wedding, it was suggested that we use the classic vows because, not only were they easier to get through amidst the nerves, whenever we’d hear them again at a ceremony in the future, the words would resonate in our memories and hearts in a personal way.
Though I’m not sure of the exact version we chose, the words were more or less these:
“I, ___ take thee ____ to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till in death we part, and with this ring I thee wed, and with my body I thee honor, and pledge my faithfulness.”
You get the gist. A bit antiquated. But certainly meaningful, even if the words aren’t enough in themselves to keep every couple together.
We’ve only been married 8 years, it has not been a long life together. We are in our forties, some might say we got a late start (though it could not have happened any earlier for me.) Fortunately we have been together long enough through richer or poorer, that we’ve stood at least a little test of time and stress together.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson
One part of the vow that has been coming back to me over the past 5 months (yes, its 5 months today!) is the “in sickness and in health” part.
Now, I’m no guru of romance, believe me…sometimes I’m surprised we made it even this far. I do think our situation would be incredibly hard to deal with if we were just dating or even newlyweds. The pressure of that commitment would be extra hard if we hadn’t already built a life together, no matter how in love we might have been. But I don’t have to think about the pressure. It’s a non-issue. I’m also not implying that our love is greater than an unmarried couple. I know unmarried couples that are at least as committed as I am, and probably a lot more romantic. Its just that sometimes I think about these vows and that symbolic one-ness that supposedly happens. And I realize… it’s happened.
For better or worse. In sickness and health.
Here is a picture of Vernon’s roommate and his wife. When she visits, she holds his hands and gushes over him. “Let’s not talk about the things that bother us,” I’ve heard her say. “Let’s use this time to talk about US.”
Its no wonder she acts like a newlywed, she told me they have been married for 7 years. There is a picture of them on their wedding day, and a note on the wall, saying: “To the Love of My Life.” Apparently, they had both been married for 50 years or so, and after their spouses each passed away, they rediscovered each other. How wonderful to have a new lease on love and life.
However, in the past few days, I’ve noticed the man has not been doing so well. And it reminds me again that its so different to be a young(ish) person caring for her husband than an old one.
…but that is the point, isn’t it? Till death do us part? Isn’t it the traditional dream to grow old with your love? And if that happens…one has to go before the other. Its honorable, but it must be heartbreaking…and lonely.
So again, I realize how lucky I am to be nursing a husband BACK to health. One day I may nurse my husband as he transitions out of life…or he me. But I don’t have to do it yet. Maybe when the time comes, it will mean more, because we had a second chance. Whereas some people have to navigate their loved one through Alzheimer’s or Dementia, I am doing the opposite. What a privilege to walk him OUT of memory-loss and back into the world of the vibrant and living.
He may not remember my name each day (yet) but he knows who I am…and he knows who to kiss.
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beautiful, an inspiration to all married couples. Paul and i said the same vows when we got married, they always touch my heart when i hear them being said .
lovely to see some pictures of you both together
see you all soon , hugs xx
its very sweet to hear them, isn’t it? I’m so thankful you are coming out this week. Vernon needs some new company and you are strong in his memories. xoxox
Love it, Well Said Allison! I say more God!
This is beautiful.
Lovely, as usual.
Just precious…He knows who to kiss… Love that… Love you two. Praying xo
I adore these pictures of the two of you! And love the reminder of the vows. Beautiful.
Prayers continue for you and praying the Lord will bless this experience to His glory and your encouragment. You are such a blessing to all to follow your story.
I adore you two, together. 🙂
Love’s Philosophy
Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1792 – 1822
The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single,
All things by a law divine
In one another’s being mingle—
Why not I with thine?
See the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdain’d its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea—
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?
Absolutely beautiful. It’s so great to see him sitting up too!
Joe and Vernon’s room mate really connected today and Joe prayed with him….evidently he knows the Lord and was struggling very much today.
I think Solomon has written the most inspiring words on love: ” Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, for love is as strong as death , its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” We are all challenged to love like that!
So very beautiful. just beautiful. Tears streaming down my face & just loving this whole update & that sweet picture of Vernon kissing you!!!! ….. I have “disliked” the word dream. You know, those bracelets, and journals, etc that say dream!!!!ohhhh and even a prophetic word or two…… I’ve had this dislike for the word because I don’t have a “dream”……I am content…….but just recently at a mini retreat with friends, I discovered or should I say God spoke to me why I disliked the word……….it’s because the one dream I had “to grow old with Jim” was over! …….and yes, those traditional vows we took really were reality to us in those 32 1/2 yrs. we were wed………3 trips to viet nam……2 major heart attacks……open heart surgery, etc…….in sickness or in health……and even my numerous surgeries…..I love those vows, and it is good to look back with no regrets. We did it well. Blessings to you, Allison and to Vernon!!!!!
thanks for sharing, Judy. I love your vulnerable and bottomless heart! Dream? Perhaps there is a better word for it. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. How about being a Visionary, rather than a Dreamer? And you know what? You and Jim DID do well. You made it a long sweet time.
Thank you Allison……. much love to you.
My husband and I have shared 50 years together. Our son told us
when he was in college, his parents were the only ones who were
still married. He was and is still very proud of that. So is,
me, his mother.
Love’s Priceless Reward
With faith in each other and faith in the Lord
May your marriage be blessed
with love’s priceless reward.
For love that endures and makes life worth living
Is built on strong faith and unselfish giving.
So have faith, and the Lord
will guide both of you through
The glorious new life that is waiting for you.
From Helen Steiner Rice