I woke up yesterday feeling blue and angry. There had been enough time for me to start processing the baffling news about the legal case. It was literally an insult to injury… a big insult to a big injury. I felt deflated and let down by the justice system…as if we were being punished for someone else’s ‘legal’ mistake. (Legal, because he had bought the minimum of insurance.) But I won’t go on about it now. I just was tearful and depressed…everything seemed wrong in the world, or at least America.
I cried some more on the drive up to dialysis, expecting Vernon to be rolling around and clenched in his disturbing TBI manner, but I found him wide eyed and alert. My mood changed pretty quickly then. When I’m with him and he is loving and alert, all the other details of my life fade away somewhat. There is nothing I can do there but sit with him and keep him company. Some days that is a good thing.
Chicina, the social worker, came over for a little chat, so I told her about the latest developments in our situation, starting with the news from my attorney. I asked Vernon if he wanted to hear about it to. Of course he did—he always wants to know what is happening with him.
I didn’t say much before he got weepy and started to say:” I’m sorry. Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.”
“What do you mean, Vernon? You have done nothing wrong.”
“Oh I have!” he moaned. “I’m the one who got in an accident.”
“Do you remember it?”
“No, but I’m sure its all my fault. I am so sorry I did this to you. Oh my…” and he cried some more.
My heart broke again. “NONE of it was your fault, Vernon. None of it was your fault.”
So we changed the subject. He helped me pick out the best pictures from a recent photo shoot I did. He wanted to look at his old facebook page to see pictures of himself and the kids. I’d brought his old laptop, because he keeps asking for it last week, but once he had it in front of him, he didn’t want to touch it. He seems to know that his eyes and fingers aren’t able to do what they used to, and avoids the frustration.
Then I started reading “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” (Click the link to read the whole novel online.) Just like the last book we read, Vernon was immediately rapt. We escaped into magical world where both children and animals speak with heart and intelligence. A place where it’s always snowing, but never Christmas. We met Tumnus the fawn and the White Witch. Even for me, it was good to escape in through the wardrobe from a world that doesn’t make much sense to me at the moment.
In the evening…when it was time to put Justine to bed, I opened up the book again and started over with her. Just like her dad, she became perfectly still under her blanket as I started reading.
“Do you understand what’s happening so far, Sweetie?”
“No, but keep reading.”
And then when it was time to stop… “Read a little more, please?”
I’ve been thinking that Vernon and Justine are emotionally the same age at the moment. And the way they respond to these books is almost exactly the same. It’s fascinating, especially since I am experiencing them in two different worlds: Mesa Verde and our own home. Now I can experience them through Narnia as well. That’s real enough, isn’t it? (It is when we are reading.)
On that note, I want to show off my Christmas pillows that I ordered from my friend Wendy in Washington. (She has also sent some adorable handmade hats for our fundraiser this weekend.)
Look: it’s the lamp-post! And Justine and Daddy…I mean Lucy and Tumnus.
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Those pillows are magical!!
I have been reading your journey with Vernon and my heart breaks for you with the new outcome of the legal actions being taken! Our justice system is broken… But we can look towards the justice system in heaven with our Lord as our lawyer… Representing us all in His love for His own!!!
Praying for you…that you can feel God is holding your sweet family in His Almighty arms!
You are doing exactly what you are suppose to do…go into the Wardrobe and Aslan will be waiting
Allison,
So bad that the other fellows insurance didn’t pay off. Sorry that you are so sad but you seem to cover it up when you go to see Vern and that is good. Allison, I wish I could help you but now we are living on a fixed income. But I do know this that God perform a miracle if He chooses. The only thing that I can say to you is that He is right by your side. And He will container to be as long as you really need Him. And then He will right close by to you and your family.
Love,
Becky
ANGRY AND BLUE ! ..says it all..Vern is worth so much more ..he is priceless to all of us that love him …. Paul now wishes he had studied law (that will make Vern laugh!..how they used to sort the world out between them!!)
xx love as always to you all, wish we could be with you now , to give you the biggest hug.. i have to break the news to mum and dad today…. how to you tell parents their son is worth £20,000 ??? xx
it’s not necessarily over…I wouldn’t worry them about that yet if you don’t have to. Anyway, don’t they read the blog themselves?
ok Allison , i won`t say anything right now … yes they do read your blog ..but not always ..i still tend to let them know the contents before they read … as you can imagine Allison , sometimes they find it upsetting…i can sugar coat things sometimes .. i know you don`t have that , you are living it hour by hour xx .. but at their age …. i feel i need to protect them , i`m sure you understand that xx
any way bed time here …. so night night , from over the pond xx love always xx
Dear Allison, I had the pleasure of hearing your aunt speak at a women’s retreat a few years ago. From there I followed her blog for her wonderful recipes and to entertain thoughts of also being an amazing hostess (one can dream). From her site I learned of your dad’s artwork and gift for story telling. And, it is from his blog that I fell into yours. I’ve been praying for your family since the accident (weeping over your losses and celebrating your victories). I’m so saddened to learn of the disappointing news from the insurance agency. I’m no expert in this area; however, I am one who doesn’t take no for an answer. I just want to encourage you to be strong and keep on fighting…consider hiring a tougher personal injury lawyer if need be. Going up against an insurance company is never easy as their goal is pay out as little as possible. Your family is worth much more than what is being offered. Don’t settle for less. I will continue to pray for your beautiful family. Thank you for being an encouragement to me on a regular basis.
I think I needed to read this tonight. Thank you, Jill. I didn’t have time to think about this the past couple of weeks, and it kind of came down on me today. I found it very depressing and a friend told me that she wouldn’t stop at that bad news either…I felt stronger after that. And then I read this message. It helps too! I have a personal injury lawyer, but I think they are realizing there isn’t enough money in it for them to keep pursuing things.