The hotel I’m staying in is just a short block from Newport Subacute, the first convalescent home Vernon stayed in. Vernon only stayed there for a couple of months before we moved him to Mesa Verde. I walked over there this morning because there’s a Starbucks on the corner. While waiting for my black americano, I strolled the parking-lot one last time.
Those who have been following the story for a long time might remember the quirky antique store I used to frequent as well. There was never much I wanted to buy but lots to look at. I could spend an hour at a time in there.
Vernon did buy me a ring there though. Remember? (I picked it out and paid for it as wives are good at doing. I’m not alone in this, am I, ladies?) I’m still wearing it regularly.
Pretty, right?
I’m really only writing about this this morning because I’ve been meaning to comment more on all the closures I’m seeing around me. I’ve been seeing them for some time. They were really strong last week at the hospital. Now I’m more used to the signs and connective memories popping up everywhere. I notice them, but I’m no longer startled by them. I just don’t want to forget.
Last week, when everything was intense and active with so much change, important choices, people to talk to, going back and forth from home to the hospital, it felt to me as if I was witnessing the forming of a bracelet clasp, mirroring the clasp that was formed at the onset of our journey. Everything in between was the bracelet, but it’s the beginning and end of the circle that complete it, make it into a piece of jewelry rather than just an ongoing strand of beadwork or metal. It’s the clasping of the thing that gives it a name, a purpose. It’s the closure of the clasps that we are experiencing: the circling around, the solidifying.
So many mirrored things. Too many to list here. So many faces showing up at the end that showed up at the beginning. I try to capture them all as I see them, but I know I will forget. People bringing food, coffee, wine…they did this in the beginning. People providing fun distractions and care for the kids. Even the hotel shampoos and lotions have a message for us.
From Ecclesiastes 7:
A good name is better than fine perfume,
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.
The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
and patience is better than pride.
Also from Solomon, that old Wise Guy:
“you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.” (Song of Songs 4:9)
I just took this photo of Vernon…the first time I’ve seen his eye open since last night. It may be the last picture of him looking at me that I will get. I felt lucky to get it now.
163
Your last line(s) slay me every time.
Allison,
The passage from Ecc. is good verse to help you and other people going thru what you are right now. And in Ecc. 3 it tell us all about how we are supposed to live. God be with you.
Hugs,
Becky
LOVE is the only thing that truly matters – when we leave this world if we have LOVED WELL – we never really leave….HIS LOVE will Live on!!
You are both the Greatest teachers of the Greatest gift…LOVE!💗
💗
Dear Allison,
When my son went to be with Jesus; the Holy Spirit took me to the book of Eccesiates n I read the eleven chapters over n over. In fact I love the book your dad put together “It’s About Life” with pictures going through Ecc. I give it to many friends who have lost loved ones. God is so Good n His Mercy n Peace are Awesome. I have tremendous compassion for you n the kids. God’s Grace is sufficient and it gets us through the pain n the changes in our life. It has been an honor to walk with you in this journey and your heart is so beautifully put into words by you. Hugs
So beautiful, Allison. You are amazing and wise. I see God holding you, his precious daughter, tightly in his strong hands.
So very beautiful.
As always, reading with a tear in my eye and a catch in my heart. Humbling reminder that there are probably always “signs” for us to see, but we are in such a hurry…
Two days ago I was listening to Joni Mitchell – The Circle Game – and thought of you. I considered posting you a YouTube link, pondered the thought and resisted. I could not find a sound reason to do so and wasn’t even sure how to clearly express what I was perceiving. I like your forming of the clasp. Closing the circle to secure all that it holds. Forgetting? Trust me…no need to worry…for on the otherside of all that now is, and when life begins to somewhat settle and clarify, you will not forget. You will indeed remember far more than you can momentarily imagine that you will possibly forget. Sending love. ❤
Big Love to Vernon & Allison Adams,Maki & Justine and to all their family, thinking of you all, love Merranxxx
With each read of tour amazing and thoughtful words over these last couple years I keep hearing in my head a song from one of my favorite musicals, Rent.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure-measure a year
In daylights- in sunsets
In midnights- in cups of coffee
In inches- in miles
In laughter- in strife
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life
How about love
How about love
How about love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man
In truth that she learns
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she dies
Its time now to sing out
Though the story never ends
Lets celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
This was a tough one. Blessings my friend.
Continued hugs and prayers.. This post rekindled thoughts of my journey, and something I experienced a few months after Barb passed.. A full circle of closure guided by God that I did not realize at the time it was happening.. In one day I was in the church where we were married, with the couple who did our marriage preparation class 33 years earlier, the owner of the our old house inviting me in when he saw me standing outside and having breakfast with old friends in the diner where Barb and I had our first meal together.
I love the little turquoise bracelet with the sweet bird on it that you gave me last year. And now I’ll think of Vernon every time I wear it.
xoxo