Though of course we don’t know for sure, Vernon’s nurse suggested it would be a good night to stay here. I have a hotel room just a couple of miles away, but I’d rather be here. I think a couple of hours ago, I was feeling a lot more romantic about the idea. Now I’m just tired and achey and its not even 2 am. The bright side is that I’m sure people start moving around here before six…so less than four hours to go till morning. I can do this! I’ll just think of it as a red-eye flight. I can’t sleep on airplanes either.
I did try sleeping on a mat on the floor by Vernon’s bed, then tried the couch in the lobby area. But this place isn’t made for overnight guests, and there is always some activity going on. For now, I’ll just sit in the lobby, not sleeping. I have my computer with me…and in that, my pocket world of well-wishing friends. It’s not the middle of the night everywhere! I’m never alone if I don’t want to be.
One of these friends just sent me some Rilke to read. I’ll share a beautiful passage here (from 9th Duino Elegy):
Why then do we have to be human, and keep running from the fate
we are made for and long for?
Oh, not because of Happiness —
that fleeting gift before the loss begins.
Not from curiosity, or to exercise the heart,
which the laurel could do too….
But because simply to be here is so much
and because what is here seems to need us,
this vanishing world that concerns us strangely —
us, the most vanishing of all. Once
for each, only once. Once and no more.
And we, too: just once. Never again. But
to have lived this once, even if only this once,
to have been of earth — that cannot be taken from us.
That said…Vernon is still here, a part of the earth. I’ll go and check on him now.
Nothing too different. His snoring is louder, his breathing still shallow. (We noticed the change earlier this evening.). That man has a strong heart. A lion heart. He’s still very hot, so I put a cold flannel on his head. He does not seem to be in pain. I just whisper to him a little and then let him sleep. Everything necessary has already been said.
And now its 2:20. Moving right along….
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Dear Allison,
Company is here ( albeit not one you really know) from far away Australia. I have been following Vernon’s story for a few months, having found a link through mutual friends. My husband Richard Earley was in PNG but a bit older than you, I think. All that to say, I hope you don’t mind my loose connection.
I have been praying and will continue with you in this way, sharing a bond in Christ, as you approach with such humility, Vernon’s transfer to heaven. Thank you for sharing so deeply and honestly with all of us. It has taught my heart.
Now is not the time for many words, but I wanted you to know you aren’t alone even at 2:20am.
Love Caroline
…and so we move right along with you. I so love reading what you translate on paper. Your brilliance shines even when your heart is at its tipping point ache. May sleep be yours somehow someway.
What a gift to be so present with him. And a tremendous gift for all of us that you share it. Both of you have left a mark on the world. Thank you.
Surrounding you in prayer. “In Him we live, and move and have our very being.” Here on earth or in heaven, we are never alone.
<3 Rilke
Covering you both in prayer and asking that the Lord be your special comfort.
Ali, I keep thinking of sweet Nancy Reagan as she stood by her man til the very end. They were so inseparable, even
when apart. When he got shot, they tried to keep her away from the hospital to see him. She said, (I’m paraphrasing from what I read at the Reagan library..) “no, you don’t understand. I HAVE to be there. You don’t understand the kind of relationship we have.” I’m sure she wasn’t getting any sleep either.
“And the two shall become one”- I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to let go of the one who captured your heart…who’s spiritually connected to your soul.
It’s obvious you’re in the right place at the right time Ali. God bless you with supernatural rest.
Love you with all my heart.
Now where’s that sweet coffee cart guy from the hospital when we need him??:)
Much love Allison, been watching, reading and praying. Praying for continued buoying from your incredible community and that you sense God’s presence in these truly holy moments.
Holding you and Vernon in my heart and prayers. I’m another friend you’ve never met, having come to know your story in recent weeks through Melissa’s post. You have created a Sacred Space in this searingly beautiful and poignant blog. Thank you for sharing and for allowing us to come along with you. It is so very touching and transforming for us all. The Community of Saints, the Cloud of Witnesses… we are humbly gathered here and circling you in love.
We’ve never met, but I know your parents. Through your dad’s blog today, I found your posts and wanted to tell you that I’m praying through the night with you and your family. My husband is in late-stage Alzheimer’s and receiving hospice care. We know what it is to lean into the loving arms of Jesus who never leaves us. May He continue to pour out grace and mercy on Vernon tonight and give you comfort beyond measure.
All your love and commitment will be worth it. What a legend you both are, and so too your story, thank you for sharing and being so real. Mere mortals we are, our stories are all unique and God even more unique. All in His time. Though we have never met, my heart is somehow connected to you both Vernon & Alison. Rest, some company and good food is what we all need. Awaiting the heavenly climax as anticipated with mixed feelings, (with all due respect).