“Nothing is ever lost to us, as long as we remember it.” —L.M. Montgomery
All Vernon’s sweet talking over the past couple of weeks sent me on a trip down the rabbit hole of memory…or at least my email folders. I also remembered these photos my sister Acacia took a year or two after we were married.
I know its very common in marriage to fall into basic living. It’s even expected. Romantic nothings become a thing of the past or maybe a luxury. Kids take over…or even without kids, complacency and busy-ness do. But its awfully nice, even if people fall into those comfortable ruts, when they have romantic memories to help them remember who they were together at earlier stages in their relationship. I think that letters sum it up the most. Keep them if you’ve got em…who cares if the kids run into them one day. They’ll secretly admire you more for it.
I came across this letter from Christmas 2012, when Vernon had gone back to England for the holidays, dropping Maki off in Norway first. He had a very hard time being away from us that year. It turned out that he suffered from Separation Anxiety. I only mention that because of the great irony he lives in now. He’s been separated from us for over a year. At least he seems to be dealing with this pretty gracefully.
Hi Darling
Here are just some of the things that i love deeply about you: in no particular order.
Your Cowlick. Now, i would love your cowlick even if you did too, but the fact you have never liked it, probably makes me love it even more.
Your chatter, i love the spirit that produces your chatter. The way you have mothered Justine, from the first moments of her first boobah (that was very soon after the birth, remember) you have mothered her with such delight, warmth and love. It’s obvious to watch you two together. The way you have step-mummed Maki has been the most amazing thing in my life. Your dark hair (and whatever color it may one day become). Your red lipstick. The bit where your lower your back meets your even lower, lower back 🙂 Let’s love each other more from now one. I have missed you so much, and in missing you i realise how much i take you for granted at times, and maybe you have me a little? Can we start to dance together when i get back? Not in public (well not yet!), just in our house, in the evening. You choose the music and we can slow dance, close up, around the house. We need to make time for those small moments each day. I want you to let the romantic in me loose a little 🙂 I don’t want to miss out on loving you as much as i have.
I love you Alli xxxx
Vernon
How can I not miss that voice? At least, I have bits of him to return to when I miss him. I sometimes stop and give thanks for the fact that I have such a kind man for a husband. I can’t imagine if I’d been with an abusive or angry partner that I secretly resented and had to start caring for him full time…I’d have to come to terms with it differently, I guess. But I don’t have that problem. He was always a supportive, deeply caring gentleman. When I struggled with him, it was mostly over cultural misunderstandings or his great brain that came up with questions I couldn’t answer. We weren’t the perfect couple, but we liked each other a whole lot.
Many moons ago, when I was waiting tables, I noticed that an older couple at one of my tables was eating in cold silence. Mischievous me, I asked them to tell me about how they first met. I probably shouldn’t have interfered, but they did light up as they told me the story. I always remembered that, watching people click back into good, loving memories…when they still saw their spouse the way they used to…and of course, it lasted into dinner.
Vernon and I are rich in memories. I still think he is this romantic, sweet guy, who is able to express himself so lovingly. He may not be able to write or type or even remember my name, but I see it in him still. I see he has a heart primed for the wonder of love. It’s like dating all over again. A little weird, when I put it like that, I admit. But there’s something to remembering the heart in your husband. It reconnects my own heart even now.
Love is strange.
188
Just so precious…his love and affection for you…
And Those photos!! The last few with your sweet smile, as you are being adored by Vernon! The look of love on your face-makes you the most beautiful girl in the world! And I see Justine as a grown woman in these photos too 🙂
The letter is so intimate and just beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
Just a lovely post tonight.
I’m praying. I love you both.
K
I’m so glad God decided to lodge those wonderful heart-to-heart moments deep inside you. The letter says it all… two living as one. Truly a testimony of a love possible, both in sickness and in health, enduring. We are so moved by this entry, thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing such an intimate part of your relationship. ❤️
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey
Just beautiful Allison .. thankyou for sharing one of Verns letter with us ..it was a very difficult christmas of 2012..vern and i talked alot, about how much he missed and loved you, and the children..he found being seperated from you for those few weeks , so very, very difficult ..it was painful to watch and hear his hurt.
xx so pleased you kept his letters and have photos to bring back those memories xx
xx love and hugs to you all xx
“And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.”
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
Allison,
How precious and lovely that blog is. Hold on to the memories and they will come back one day. What neat thing to share with all of us.
Prayers are still going up.
Love,
Becky
May the winds of heaven always dance between you. Can’t remember where I read that but I love it 🙂
So beautiful! I cried all the way through and I am touched deeply! Much love and many prayers for you both!
Hi Allison I read your blog to Joe and Desha this morning. It touched all of us deeply! You are so great at expressing your feelings. Thanks for sharing it and what a great reminder for us old married couples. I still can look at Joe that way and see the beautiful man I married 46 years ago. I remember when we first met Vernon and how exciting it was to see what kind of guy you picked to be your man!!! I don’t need to tell you – you picked a winner!! Love and prayers< Nancy and Joe
Beautiful!