Since Vernon still seems to have the blues today, I’ll just share a moment from one of our outings outside. This was yesterday in the little bit of welcome rain that came down in Brea. What’s more romantic than a date in the rain, right? I started thinking of all the times we’d complained of not having enough time to ourselves, especially after kids. And here we were…free to sit outside together without any distractions. Just each other, the rain, and some music on my phone. We might as well have been teenagers with nothing else to do but share music on split-headphones. I played him one of the songs that was a favorite of ours in the early days, and he seemed to enjoy it—he had me play it twice.
As I was listening to the words, I thought…yes, it is worth the drive, it is worth the waiting, and all the other stuff I have to figure out in this new phase of life…to be alone with him when I can be. It can be a little awkward, a little slow, and sometimes a little boring just sitting around. Yet these are all good problems to have. They aren’t even problems: they are blessings. I love that I get to spend these mornings with you, Vernon. You may not have much to say, and you are obviously sad and frustrated—but you are awake, and you are alive.
Who knows…maybe one day in the not-so-far future, we will be so busy with normal life again that we will tell each other: “Remember when we could just sit around together and not say much? Don’t you miss those days?”
Just in case this post was getting too sappy…I’ll add an update from this morning. I played the song again, he wasn’t interested. So I tried a variety of music I found on Spotify. He’d pull out the headphones if he didn’t like the song. (PROGRESS! He was able to control some outside stimulation: that’s got to be empowering!) He wound up preferring ambient “Forest Sounds” (birds chirping, brooks babbling, etc.) and Television Personalities (English Post-Punk). Yeah, that fits our Vernon about right…he refuses to be put in a box for long.