‘Whoever gives the least of these a cup of cold water in my name, he will not lose his reward.” —Matthew 10:42
One thing that shows us that Vernon’s boat has u-turned back toward health is his fixation with things that come up in conversation. He was like this before Christmas, and finally nine months later, we are recognizing this element of his personality again. He is extremely suggestible: once he latches on to an idea in his head (maybe something he imagines or something he picks up on from the conversations around him) he holds on to it like a rope, returning to the thought again and again to get his bearings.
My dad, who sat with him for Dialysis on Saturday, mentioned how he kept bringing up the idea of “going home,” annoyed with his wife for not sorting out the details to get him there, and going so far as to ask if Dad had any handiwork around the house that Vernon could do. Making oneself indispensable is a always a good tactic. Of course when my dad asked how they would get there, Vernon said he’d walk if he had to and tried to get out of the chair.
It’s funny, but sad. British humour at its best.
The other day in random conversation, Mike mentioned ice cream and pizza being his favorite foods as a teenager and how he couldn’t eat like that anymore. Vernon’s eyes opened wide and he said: “Wow, ice cream—that sounds GREAT.” I could see Joe in the doorway, parked in his jumbo motorized chair, shaking his head as if to say…“no, don’t get him started on foods he likes, I have to live with him all day and night.”
Sure enough, Vernon brought up ice cream through the next hour. Could I get him some ice cream? Who else could get ice cream? He’d really like some ice cream soon. I’d change the subject, and it found its way back in. My favorite was when he suspiciously pointed at Lee, chain smoking on the corner of the patio as usual, and said: “What’s that guy doing over there? Is he eating ice cream?” No, its fine, Vernon…its just his cigarette.
But its when he asks for water that is the hardest to handle. What human shouldn’t have the right to a drink of water if they can get it. Isn’t it the simplest thing…a drink? But the truth is, even though we were giving him thickened liquids this summer, the speech therapist has decided to discharge him from any drinks whatsoever. The doctor is looking into this and I’ll stay on the case, but the reasoning I was given is that he is too vulnerable to take infection risks with, and because his PT, OT, and ST benefits ran out without much improvement when they did work with him, its not financially valid for Insurance to give him more hours now. (Oh, the irony that he was jacked up on Ativan the whole time and we never realized it was a problem.)
I’d given him some natural medicine the other day and he didn’t like the taste of it. We often use sugar packets to help disguise the taste, but I didn’t have them with me. He really just wanted water, of course. Imagine the ice cream story all over again but this time substituting water. He asked nurses. He asked techs. He got mad at me for not calling the doctor to get him some. But the best was when I tried to distract him by playing a song on my phone.
“Do you like this song, Vernon?” I asked.
“Yeah. I could really drink some water to this song.”
Again, if it weren’t so sad, it would be funny. I do giggle over these antidotes. I imagine he is surely more frustrated than I understand. It must feel like a bad dream…asking for the most normal things over and over to people who won’t deliver.
Now, there is one thing he seems to like that I can bring him—the PEMF mat. He’s been using it for almost a month now and he really enjoys it. He can clearly sit still much longer and seems more relaxed and comfortable. He is being detoxed and energized at once by the extra oxygen pulsed to his cells. And its non invasive. But it is expensive. I do think its a good investment, especially if we can also use it to help others in the home (like Joe!) and Vernon can use it more regularly (every time I visit, at least.) At this point, there has been nothing that has come along that is both practical and helpful that he actually looks forward to. So of course I’m going to buy this for him. I can’t get him a drink of water or bring him home, but I can figure out how to get him a mat. Next best thing, hopefully.
I will most likely do a GoFundMe page in the next couple of weeks. So many of my readers have already donated a lot to our family and I don’t like to keep asking the same people for money. This may not be the last time I need to raise funds for Vernon’s recovery, but its the first time I have a specific purchase in mind. What I would like from you is for you to share the link online, once we get it up and running. I’m hoping to raise wider awareness as well as funds. Maybe there are people out there who would benefit from this information in their own recovery process. There is surprisingly little information online about PEMF therapy and severe Traumatic Brain Injury…although it seems to be good for speeding the recovery process of all sorts of issues.
I’m sure I’ll be talking about it more in the coming weeks, but here is a video I found that gives a little idea.
If any locals are interested in experiencing PEMF mats for yourselves, Dr. Luchich or Mike Garrett can give you a free introductory session at Wave Balance Wellness Center in Dana Point. Call (949) 240-6422 for an appointment. If nothing else, you’ll understand better what I’m talking about.
A week ago today, I got news that Louise (I call her Luiga), the mother of one of my closest friends, Andrea Ketcham, had suffered a massive stroke. Now, I love my friend, and I love her mother too. We’ve grown very close to this family over the years. We attend every party we are invited to (including Thanksgiving!) we enjoy their wonderful musical generosity, one of the sons taught Maki guitar for the past two years, and Justine spent an afternoon with Andrea every week of Pre-K.
It has been tough watching my friend go through this with her mom. It’s still early days, so there is little knowing of how her recovery will be…or even start. Right now, she is at Kaiser Hospital in Anaheim, mostly unconscious, but moaning in pain for the blood on her brain. Andrea was one of the people who taught me how to respond to close friends who have a loved one in the hospital: GO TO THEM! Even if they don’t seem to need that right away. Do it anyway. It’s such an opportunity be a part of the most real thing in their lives. If they don’t want you there, find another way to get your love to them.
Andrea probably didn’t need me. Nor did Luiga. They’ve got a big loving Italian family of their own. But this is the first time since my own journey into the world of hospitals and the like that someone in my most inner-circle has experienced a major catastrophe. (It takes a lot to count as a catastrophe in my book. Thankfully, its rare.) And when Andrea used to show up and clean/reorganize my house or even in early days, when she would feed me an express Nespresso on my way to the hospital, if I only stopped at her house for five minutes, I used to think: “How are people so good at this? How do they know what to do? OH! I get it, these are the ones who have been here themselves. They aren’t afraid of hospitals. They know what it means to receive help and hugs whilst in the thick of shock and fear.”
I was dying to get up to Andrea and her mom. I love them. I am so upset that this has happened, but of course I knew Andrea could take care of the situation. It’s something she is so good at…even its sad that that ability has come with practice. She’s got lots of experience with hospitals—it’s not a gift you wish on people. But how blessed is Luiga that her daughter has it?
The thing about Louise (Luiga) is that even unconscious and uncomfortable, she still looks elegant and beautiful. She’s 73, loves cooking and salsa dancing, newly dating a handsome widowed gentleman, and madly in love after a long single life. I had a long conversation in the cafeteria, while the family was talking to the doctor bedside. It’s certainly not what anyone expected, but is it ever? It’s all so heartbreakingly heavy. This is the most vivacious and independent 73 year old in the world. And then a stroke!
But there is hope always. She needs our prayers big time, right now. I know they worked for Vernon so I’m believing for Luiga too. It’s hard to watch someone so close go through a similar journey. Lots of love and life left in this lady.
So… here’s an introduction to Luiga! (Louise!) May she come back strong and lively as ever! Till then, I’ll be craving her bruschetta.
I figured I’d better promote my upcoming event before its too late. I’ve been busy organizing (and think-working on it) but forgetting to tell people.
Heritage Christian Fellowship has asked me to do an women’s event next month (actually, it’s only next week already.) Traci Gales suggested the idea of sharing a little of my story and do a guided painting with a group over coffee and pastry, perhaps. (I’m sure I’m oversimplifying.) I told her despite popular belief that sort of thing is not really my strength. I’m not that kind of a teacher. I think I’m too far into the “give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a meal/teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for a lifetime” kind of philosophy. I’m not sure what I have to offer is actually what anyone wants, but here is a chance to try it and find out.
So here is the thing. I have come to believe through this last year that Creativity is a Survival Skill. I kind of already believed it as a concept but now I feel I’ve got proof. And I hoping that by sharing a little of what I’ve learned about the importance of practicing creative acts (both privately and out loud) others will be encouraged to keep—or start—practicing on their own. It’s not a luxury, its a mindset that we all have access to. I think we are all creative beings, we just spend too much time comparing or having high expectations of ourselves, or staying trapped in old shame, or we don’t prioritize playful creativity as important. There are lots of reasons we don’t access this natural survival skill we all have built into us from the womb. These days, we leave it to the pros and the eccentrics, but I think that is a sad cheating of what God gave us in the beginning. If we are created in God’s image, we should be more in touch with this wonderful ability we all have to make the world better (or at least our personal lives) just by starting with what is in our hands.
So there will be four stations at this event: hand-lettering, various watercolor media, mixed media/collage, and coloring-in. Pretty basic 2d stuff, but we only have a limited amount of time to play with what is on hand. I’ve hand picked helpers who will facilitate the supplies at each table. Some are more established in their practice than others, but all are willing to play. They will be there in case some non-artists (as they call themselves) get nervous about the free-for-all of supplies at their table. If anyone has a masterpiece at the end of an hour, they are doing it wrong. This is just about freeing ourselves up creatively, taking a new challenge with a different medium (a good way to get out of a rut) and hanging out together in a big creative love bubble.
The event is next Saturday morning, Sept 5 from 9:30-12. Tickets are only $12 each and coffee (at least) will be served. Tickets are on sale at Heritage during services tomorrow or can be purchased through the office. It is necessary to RSVP a ticket because we need to know how many seats (and supplies) to put out. Sorry guys, I know you are creative beings too, but this is a Ladies Only event.
If you can’t get tickets on Sunday and yet you are local enough to make the event, please contact Traci Gales at tgales@cox.net or wait till Tuesday and contact the office: Phone: 949.361.1022 / heritage@heritagesc.org.
Here is the address:
190 Avenida La Pata
San Clemente, CA 92673
Phone: 949.361.1022
heritage@heritagesc.org
And one more thing (in my best “infomercial voice”) if this isn’t enough to entice you, we have special music planned. Two of the Logie sisters (the musical family who has been visiting Vernon the past few weeks) are bringing their gifts of song. Here are some tasters:
Sultry Annie Rose has her first album coming out this week. Not bad, huh? More like AMAZING!
Here is Isabelle, with one of her originals. I took this weeks ago and its still one of my favorite songs. (Don’t you love how the whole family knows it too?)
“The creative adult is the child who has survived.” —Ursula K. Le Guin
With Justine on the Late-Owl Kindergarten schedule, I can’t get up to Vernon until a little later. Thursdays are the new off-day with no dialysis at all, so its nice to spend as much time as possible there, making sure he gets out in the sun, observing his reaction to the mat and medication, mostly seeing if he’s comfortable. I had Mike go up earlier with his PEMF mat, so he wouldn’t have to wait for me to start the day. He’s a busy guy too, treating other patients with serious ailments of their own. I’m so thankful that Mike is able to drive all the way from Dana Point to see him. He always brings his own brand of Big Love and Vernon responds to him very well, discussing how he can feel the frequency in his body, talking quantum physics, as you do…
Eventually, I took him outside and read some more from the Peter Pan book that Susan left in his bag yesterday. I found this particular entry quite interesting:
I see Vernon is in good company with his name-forgetting. Maybe I am Wendy after all, just like another friend commented yesterday. I seem to remember her getting very good at waiting for Peter, as well. I’d forgotten she’d been forgotten.
“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
“Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”
—J.M.Barrie
Susan Logie texted me first thing this morning, telling me she was willing to sit with Vernon if I needed help. I was thrilled as the last few days have really stretched me out, and I needed a break to work on some personal things (…and simply, recover.) The timing couldn’t have been better. I’m so thankful for her kindness and also the kindness of every person who has volunteered to sit with him in Dialysis or simply visit him at the Care Home as they can.
Susan sent me this photo from their time together. She said he loved the story. And the nurse commented on how still and comfortable he seemed. They got through three chapters and she put it in his duffel bag in case anyone else wants to read to him. I’m looking forward to my Friday time a little more now. I love Peter Pan too…pure magic!
A special cover of Vernon's fav song 'Waterloo Sunset' by friend and singer/song-writer Ian McGlynn. All proceeds support Vernon's recovery! Donate what you can and download a beautiful song in return.
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