by Allison Moore | Feb 25, 2015 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
There is a lot of information out there about the Fixed vs Growth Mindset. If you haven’t heard of it, Google it. There are pages on pages of fascinating studies, articles, Ted Talks. There is something there for everyone. It all makes sense as a concept as we struggle to learn new things as we get older…or try to understand why our kids aren’t working as hard as we think they are capable of. A phrase that keeps coming up in these studies is: Brain Plasticity (or Neuropasticity.)
Here is a definition I found: Brain plasticity (from the Greek word ‘plastos’ meaning molded) refers to the extraordinary ability of the brain to modify its own structure and function following changes within the body or in the external environment.
Isn’t that inspiring? As my family has learned quite a lot about brain injury this year, we have come to think of the brain as something injurable….as well as healable. When the idea of the BRAIN comes up, we often think of Vernon first. He’s become a bit of a mascot that way. We watch him, expecting to see this great miracle…the brain recovering its own memory, his being able to grasp such once-easy things as speech, swallowing, walking, remembering.
Maki and I just finished a long homework session. He had to write an essay for Science class, not his favorite subject. I also am not great at sitting through a homework session. Maki was distractible. (Did you know that Wombats poop cubes? Neither did I.) I was tired from fielding medical-field calls and life in general. But we did it. We pushed through…it took three hours to write a page, but it is finished. I hope Maki could feel his brain growing. We talked about the growth mindset (again) and how if your head hurts while you are working, that is a sign that it is getting bigger. It’s like working out the body: SO much easier to work the ‘fun’ areas that are already more or less in shape but we (I mean, I) avoid working the areas that have gotten weak. Ouch!
In other words, if you are trying to learn something new, and you feel frustrated, stick with it. Push through it. Something is starting to work. Your brain is growing. Feel the burn!
Maki didn’t need my intellectual help (what do I know about the chemistry lab?) as much as he needed the moral support. He needed to know he wasn’t in this black hole of homework alone, that he didn’t have to face his growth-headache alone. I guess I can relate with that, it wasn’t easy for me either. Neuroplasticity is better with friends.
The last two weeks, in the midst of Vernon’s transition to Mesa Verde and his next stage of recovery, I too have been growing my brain. Not just growing, but RE-growing, as I re-visit some old areas that used to work more smoothly. About 6 months ago, I worked on a mural for Tanya and Bob, which was incredibly rewarding. But my brain has gotten rusty in the mural-making area since then. I have a vision but I’m working so much more slowly than before, its as if I’ve aged ten years in just a few months. Harder to focus, harder to keep the greater vision. It’s shocking to me, as so far everything else has been holding up (or so I tell myself.) This kind of work once came so easily to me. Do brain injuries rub off on family members?
Instead of merely feeling exhausted, I should be thinking: Wow! Isn’t that great that a kind-of-middle-aged human brain can still be growing? Its what we expect from Vernon, after all. And he has so much further to go. This is a family growth. If Vernon can do it, so can Maki and I. If Maki can do it, so can I. If Vernon can do it, so can Maki. I’m not sure what Vernon’s examples are. But we are taking ours from him.
PS Don’t worry, Bob and Tanya, if you are reading this…we’ve come around the bend today…and I know exactly where we are going with the mural. Thank you for trusting me despite my pace. Your wall is safe in my hands! (I wouldn’t write this if I weren’t sure of it!) Thankfully they know exactly where where I am coming from: Tanya is in the end stages of radiation therapy now….and getting her brain (and everything else) back better than ever.
by Allison Moore | Feb 24, 2015 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
Most of us are well aware of the power of affirmations, whether or not we practice them. But why not? Why NOT speak life and goodness and health into ourselves? Its sometimes easier to affirm others, rather than ourselves. If Vernon can do it, so can the rest of us… I dare you to say it right now:
I LOVE FEELING STRONGER!
What have you got to lose?
He said these things many times today:
“I love feeling stronger.”
“I love getting stronger and stronger.”
“I love getting better and better.”
I’m not sure how much he understands today, but I think he understands enough. He spoke them with conviction when he wasn’t able to communicate much else. Again, if he can do it, so can we!
“The speech of the wise is a honeycomb of honey, and it is sweet to his soul and healing to his bones.” Proverbs 16:24
by Allison Moore | Feb 21, 2015 | Uncategorized |
I’m sure that often the Occupational Therapist’s important job gets overshadowed, as she has to aid so much in the big muscle work of the PT. But Vernon had her to himself for a bit yesterday, so I recorded a few videos. My iPhone ran out of space before I could get more, but part of the reason I’m sharing these is so that the people who have signed up to visit/help Vernon might have an idea of how easy it will be to give him gentle ‘therapy’ on his right arm and leg. We will be providing simple range-of-motion diagrams as well: the same ones I was left with in the hospital. Its more likely to get it right than get it wrong. At this point, I’m focusing on quantity over quality. Massage is great too. Anything helps!
And most of all, he will know he isn’t alone. Touch is more healing than we understand.
Here is a basic rotation of the arm and shoulder…
The hand and fingers…
And simple work with a washcloth (or flannel, as Vernon would say.)
by Allison Moore | Feb 20, 2015 | Uncategorized |
“Gratitude is the memory of the heart.” Jean Baptiste Massieu
Every Friday is significant for us. If nothing else, its a way of keeping track of time. Today marks week 39…just 3 days short of 9 months.
I finally stopped by the Fire Station with the kids. This is something I’ve been meaning to do for months. I had hoped to talk to the team of first responders that got Vernon bagged for breath and then to the hospital, but we met another firefighter who wasn’t there that night. Perhaps I waited to long. But anyway, he said he’d pass on the news that Vernon was still going…recovering. I asked him how often they heard whether people they’d saved survived. He said that sometimes the hospital would call, but often they wouldn’t hear unless a family member or victim came back to the station.
Justine was so sweet, telling the fireman:: “Thank you for saving my dad.”
He wasn’t there that night, but he might as well have been. He was there for someone else’s dad. He might save someone else’s loved one tonight. He still deserves the thanks.
Maki, more mature and laid back, told me as we were leaving: “Ok, you can cross that one off your list now.”
He’s gotten to know me so well. I have a lot more gratitude on my list. It keeps growing, and I can’t seem to catch up. I haven’t even started to thank people for all the financial gifts that have come our way this past year. And the messages. And the help. And the thoughtfulness. And the prayer. It’s all on my list, I promise.
It doesn’t really count to say it here, probably, but thank YOU for helping us get this far. As those firefighters and medical professionals all have saved Vernon, YOU have kept our family going. My heart explodes at the thought of it.
We truly are grateful. One day I hope to express it better.
by Allison Moore | Feb 20, 2015 | Uncategorized |
Side note to our subscribers: we have had some internet problems at the house for the last few days, and so it seems my last post from a remote location (Panera Bread: Free Internet for ALL!) may not have been sent to our faithful blog subscriber’s emails. If you missed the last post, you might want to reload it here, because I feel the blog story there is already a turning point into the next season of Vernon’s recovery.
Big Breath!
We must have some fresh prayers for us, because I could feel the renewed energy around me today. I had a meeting with some of the staff, including a new social worker that I only met today. It’s so strange to me that they don’t know Vernon the way I do..or even the way people at the past two facilities came to know him. Its a total fresh start. I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog’s Day, reliving each day but with increased awareness, and hopefully, wisdom.
Because of our past experience, I came into today’s meeting with more authority than I had the last ‘get-to-know-you’ meeting. I didn’t need an advocate by my side. After the general introductions, I basically said:
“I know my husband will get back to what he was a month ago, which is not where he should be at this stage in the game. I think he should be at least 3 months further along. I feel betrayed by previous care, but that has taught me a few things. I now know I have to stay on top of things even more than I have. I am fantastically happy to be in this new care center. I have seen nothing but positive things here so far. Everyone has been great. BUT…
We can’t afford to lose any more time. If an infection gets septic like this last round, it will be fatal. Please help me keep on top of the signs. This place is is his chance…help me collaborate with you. What can I do to help you help him? ”
I hope that didn’t scare them.
The wonderful thing is…
They said they LIKED family involvement. They said these are the cases they prefer. We will see. But I do feel good. In fact, even before the meeting, I had a spring in my step. I knew there would be a connection.
I believe the prayers are carrying us through. Thank you again. Love is compelling me forward. And I think in this place, it is moving the staff forward too.
Also…Vernon open his eyes in the middle of his PT session today and point directly at me, saying very clearly. “That’s my WIFE!” He may not be able to say my name yet, but I’m so glad he knows who I am. Things are looking up, proven by HIS opening his eyes and looking up. He expressed that it is hard to concentrate, but the fact that he is opening his eyes more often again, even in small increments, is good news.
I look at the blossoming tree at the front of Vernon’s new home as a symbol. They may have to start fresh with him, no knowlege of his past improvements. But sometimes a blank slate is a good thing.
Hello, Springtime!
“See the winter is past: the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling: my beautiful one, come with me.” —Song of Solomon.
by Allison Moore | Feb 17, 2015 | Uncategorized |
I need to clarify something I said in a previous post. When I mentioned the most of a TBI recovery takes place in the first year, this is based on what physicians have told me. That doesn’t mean he will not continue to recover after one year is up. If we are to think of recovery in terms of a baby’s life, the first year shows the most significant changes, but the child will continue to develop and learn beyond that. So when I say we have a window of the first year, I don’t mean he will suddenly stop healing. I’ve heard these things can take many years before a person begins to seem normal again. But the first year is important. The more foundations laid out in the time, the better his chances for a full recovery.
I believe the previous care home we were in was a bit of a holding tank for Vernon. He did not recover there as quickly as he might have somewhere else. It was frustrating as I felt stuck in the System. Now that we have the gift of a new care home as well as Medi-Care insurance, I want to make sure we take full advantage of this new season.
But it isn’t enough just to leave it to the carers at the hospital. Vernon receives a half hour of PT/OT in the morning and another half hour at night. The Speech therapist works with him daily. But the truth is, Vernon is now acting about the same as he did five months ago. These therapies are not going to be enough. Even the wonderful Doctor Close who recently cared for him at Hogue pulled me aside to advise I hire someone to be there with him all the time, just to move his legs and arms so he isn’t sitting in bed all day, getting worse. She told me how her family had gathered around her grandfather in Poland when he was in a nursing home, taking four-hour shifts to keep him company and massage and move him as they could, and that I should find a way to do the same for Vernon.
You’ll remember Talar, whom I’ve spoken about so much lately. The Doctor spoke to her about this as well… and where I felt overwhelmed (Another thing to DO? Another thing I can’t afford?) she took the initiative with gusto. She saw it as a fantastic opportunity to get members of the church involved…whether or not they know Vernon or myself didn’t matter. She went to the church and asked for a signup sheet, which people put their names on on Sunday and offered one or two brief training sessions where she can show people how to do light range of motion and simple massage.
I was overwhelmed to see that so many signed up and committed to times over the next 6 weeks to 3 months. Most of these people don’t know Vernon (or me) but they wanted to DO something. I do believe in healing, even Divine healing, but I also recognize that sometimes it requires our involvement. Its an opportunity for more people to be useful and for them to be touched and changed as well. The nursing home is open to Talar’s idea and I expect there will even be overflow that will bless others who live there.
So we begin the new season. It is strange to relinquish some of his care in a new way, but I know I can’t do it alone anymore. He needs fresh horses as much as I do. I’m excited to see what changes will happen…and I know they will.
“There is a light in this world. A healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometime lose sight of this force when there is suffering, and too much pain. Then suddenly, the spirit will emerge through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call and answer in extraordinary ways.”—Sir Richard Attenborogh
