Options

by Allison Moore | Nov 1, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized | 5 comments

Seemingly out of the blue, it will soon be time for Vernon to move again.  I started to get wind of the idea a week ago, when the dialysis-coordinator called me for a meeting to go over his Discharge Planning. Wherever he is placed next will not have on-site dialysis, so she wanted to educate me on his future options.

Our Kindred social worker also gave me a list of nearby rehabilitation centers that Vernon might be eligible for.  Apparently as he is no longer carrying a worrisome infection and he is no longer needing respiratory therapy or a trach, he will be free to move from an acute-care center to a rehabilitation home, which should be the place that will prepare him for coming home. And so I was encouraged to choose and research my options before he would be released.

Options. What an interesting choice of word. I just looked up the definition, which according to Webster’s dictionary means: the opportunity or ability to choose something or to choose between two or more things. Through this entire journey, I’ve been educated on various options, but it seems to me, we don’t actually GET them.  At least, we haven’t so far. Vernon gets placed at whatever place is available, takes our insurance, and is willing to deal with his medical complexities. Though I get my hopes up/smashed,  we have only had one choice at every step of the way.  That said, everything has worked out well and we have been happy with every placement— that is, once we got used to it.

However, as I was encouraged to look into the list of nearby places that might take him, I did get my hopes up. There was one that I have had my heart on for months, having heard about it some time back. This one is  set in Capistrano Beach, just a couple of miles from our home, so close that the kids and I could easily stop by at any time without their having to wait till the weekends or my having to plan my days out to see him.

And so I visited the facility early this week.  It was lovely and clean, and the staff seemed caring. The outdoor garden was beautiful and there was a constant ocean breeze. It seemed we might finally have some real options after all.

But yesterday, Janice the social worker called, saying there was only one place of the many places she had set Vernon’s file to that had accepted him. Again, this is a complicated process, timing and empty beds only a small part of it.  It seemed the only place (so far) that will take him is in Santa Ana, about 45 minutes away from our house.  It IS closer by 15 minutes from Brea, so there is that.

Yes, I was disappointed at first.  Maybe its better for me not to be told I even have options sometimes.  It seems so often its the belief that I actually have control of anything external in my life that frustrates me.  I have to remember again that it is about Vernon’s care—not what I think is convenient for our family. Perhaps (I HOPE) that this place, like the last, will have the best kind of physical therapy and the most progressive staff. That is something I can’t know now, so its what I hope for.

As for dialysis, I will explain more as I come to understand our options there.  It does seem that there WILL be some real choices to make once he gets involved in an outside facility.  Ultimately, I’m told, this is where we can start getting him on a list for a kidney donor.  But I’ll save that for another time.

For now, according to Webster’s definition, the only option I seem to have (the ability to choose between two or more things) is in my attitude. So I decide to breathe deep, make a prayer, lift my head up again and believe that Vernon is STILL in good hands until its proved otherwise.  I will remember how far he has come, how we have been taken care of every step of the way, and believe that he will continue to move into strength, health, and wholeness in this next stage—wherever it takes place and regardless of another set of unknowns.

Since I haven’t run out of pictures to choose from, I’ll exercise my rights there. Here is another from Justine’s last rare visit with her dad, choosing the option of acceptance, hope, and above all, LOVE.

Dream

by Allison Moore | Oct 30, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized | 7 comments

I am not one to dream often…or at least I don’t often remember my dreams if I have them. And I can’t recall that I’ve had a dream about Vernon since his ordeal began.

But last night I had such a vivid dream about him, I can’t shake it this morning.  Not that I want to: it was a GOOD dream.  In it, I was visiting the hospital, the same one he is in now, and instead of the labored speech and inconsistent focus we have been getting from him lately, he spoke smoothly, gently, the way he used to.  In the dream, the staff and I just looked at each other with amazement as if to say: When did he start doing this? Did it happen overnight?  We just shrugged our shoulders, smiled, and turned back to listen to Vernon, tears in everyone’s eyes.

And that was it.  But it was so vivid, I wanted to drive up there immediately after waking to see if it was true. I know it isn’t, and I can’t get up there today anyway. So I’m just writing it down to seal the memory before I forget it like I forget most dreams I have.

Vernon Blue

Physical Therapy

by Allison Moore | Oct 28, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized | 6 comments

I’ve got to give it to  Jaime, the physical therapist.  In his way, he knows Vernon pretty well by now.  He keeps pushing Vernon and yet is always patient and kind.  And it is clear that Vernon trusts him. whether he likes working that morning,  whether or not he remembers his name.  I see it in the way he grabs hold of Jaime’s waist when he is being lifted from the chair or the bed.  I see it in the way he tries to cheat the exercise by using his strong side instead of his weak, but when called on it, tries his best to do it correctly. It is remarkable how a young-ish man has so much trouble doing the smallest movements.  I understand most of the issue is neurological, that the brain is having a hard time connecting to the movement of his limbs, particularly on his right side, which he favors as it were recently hurt.

This video should give you an idea of where he is with his physical therapy.

I didn’t capture it on video, but after this, Vernon was in the beginning stages of sitting up by himself. He almost toppled over a few times, but it was clear he was feeling his own equilibrium and would attempt to balance himself. Though he was still unsteady, it was an improvement on what I’d seen so far.  In fact, after being put in his wheelchair, he seemed upset that he couldn’t go back to bench to sit some more.

Jaime complimented him after the session, saying: “Good job, Vernon, you did really well today.”

He lit up and replied: “Thanks. Means a lot!”

Vernon keeps asking for water, which he is not allowed to have yet.  He is allowed to have an apple juice with a ‘honey-thick’ texture and is offered it by a spoon.  Anything thinner makes him cough as he is still learning to swallow properly.  He doesn’t love the stuff and usually wave. When I tried to give him the spoon today, he rejected it, but instead took the cup. I was so nervous he would spill it all over himself, but his hand was steady.  I know he would have rather had water, but he did the best with what he had to work with. Again, I was impressed with his ability to drink from a cup.  It’s another corner turned.

“Do not despise the day of small beginnings.” —Zechariah 4:10

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. —Theodore Roosevelt

Perspective

by Allison Moore | Oct 27, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized | 5 comments

“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.”

*

I have long been a loyal customer of Trader Joe’s grocery stores.  Not just because the stores are small and I can find things easily without too many distractions, but because the employees are so friendly and chatty.  Its astounding the amount of personal information that can be shared back and forth while the cashier is ringing up a customer.  I’m sure there are cases where best friendships or romances have been established before the groceries are bagged and out the door.

Today, I wasn’t even at my local shop, but at the one in my mom’s neighborhood, where I am not as familiar with the clerks.  (I still found everything without help though!) Somehow, my cashier and I started joking about how some people complain about the smallest things: customers complaining about their favorite foods being out of stock or having to wait in an extra long line. First-world problems, really.

Anyway, I managed to tell him the nutshell of how—though I couldn’t judge petty-complainers (I’ve been one before and no doubt I’ll be one again)—I’d experienced a perspective-changing event in the past year, so now I didn’t see small issues in the same light.

Before the transaction was done (I swear I didn’t buy THAT many groceries…sometimes meaningful conversations seem to transcend the time allotted for them) he nodded sympathetically and told me how he and his wife had lost their own 4 year old daughter to a brain tumor years ago. And that though it was tragic, it had changed their view of life…that his family found they no longer got caught up in the small dramas in life, that they felt they saw things more clearly, and he was absolutely sure she was safer where she was and that without a doubt, he would see her again on day. He missed his daughter, obviously, but he had such a light in his eyes and a smile on his face as he ran my card and went about his job. I felt privileged to have gone through his line…and when I left he asked for Vernon’s name so he could pray for him.

And so my perspective deepened again.

*The kids and I had a painting night tonight, something we haven’t intentionally done since early after the accident.  The glasses above were my offering at the table. But Justine and Maki did wonderful things of their own…they just didn’t fit the theme of this blog entry, or I would have shown them off as well. xo

It’s a Family Affair

by Allison Moore | Oct 25, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized | 10 comments

 “Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!”  Albert Einstein

Today was quite a special occasion up in Brea.  Not only was I able to bring Justine up there to see her dad (they don’t allow any children under 12 to visit the rooms) but Vernon’s sister, Vanessa, and her husband, Paul, had arrived from England!

They will be staying for ten days, close to the hospital, so that they can visit him as often as feels right.  We have learned that just because we are up for visiting, that doesn’t mean Vernon is up for it.  So it will be great that they will have the flexibility to see him as it works out.

Paul took the kids around the corner to get donuts (Maki’s idea) while Vanessa and I we went in to visit Vernon. She came stocked up with a couple of new tee-shirts sent by his mother (we got him into one that he did NOT want to take off later.)

What touched me (and I’m sure, her) so much is how Vernon lit up when he saw her. He lifted his head and opened his eyes, reached for her hand and drew it to his mouth for a kiss. It was such a tender moment. He eagerly reached out to hold Paul’s hand as well when we met up with the others in the lobby. They are each etched very clearly in his mind. It seems at this stage he is remembering is past more than his more recent life. He has very little short-term memory.  So it is exactly the right time for Vanessa and Paul to be visiting.

They brought books to read to him and stacks of photos from his life to share (and hopefully jog his memory if necessary.)  I got to look through them myself and I was thrilled to see many from when he was a youngster that I had never even seen.  I think this will be a very special week for Vernon…and, I expect, for his guests too.

Reunited: Here is the crew, all huddled round Vernon in the lobby.  He was a little overwhelmed perhaps, with that much love around him at once…so he closed his eyes often. I notice he does this often…I’m not sure why, perhaps it is the easiest way to handle his more eventful moments. Perhaps he needs to “reset” his focus often.

We had a great afternoon together, the Corbins and the Adams’. I’m excited to think how much Vernon’s mind will grow with their attention and company this week.

I’m sure they will have some wonderful things to reminisce over.  And some entertaining stories to share with us, no doubt. Oh to be a fly on that wall!

Here are a couple more pictures from today:

I realized this is the first time Justine has seen her dad sitting up and with semi-regular clothes on.  She was a bit shy at first but then got a serious case of the giggles anytime he said anything. Much like a young girl with a crush….which I suppose is exactly what it is.

And here are both of Vernon’s kiddos.  Shining like the stars they are. First family picture for a long time.