I have had this analogy forming in my head for over a month now, but I am afraid that putting it to words may not work well. Here’s trying. I know the idea has been helpful to me, I just hope it makes sense to someone else.
Rock climbing. Or rather rock-wall climbing. I’ve only tried it a couple of times, and because I didn’t do well at it, I gave up and never really got the basics of it into my body or brain. Climbing upward from one hand/foot-hold to another, I would get stuck often because I liked the comfort of a firm-feeling grasp I might find and then not want to move on if I couldn’t find equally-comfortable footing. Then I would get fatigued, blindly searching for another place for my foot or other hand. And I wouldn’t get anywhere. In fact, I gave up before I gave it another go. Had I tried again, trusted a different approach, I might have gotten better, or at least have achieved a higher view or feeling of accomplishment.
I imagine for rock-climbers, it isn’t comfort-zone to comfort-zone, like it might be on a ladder or a path. I imagine its also a sideways journey at times, maybe even a couple steps back down the mountain in order to get better footing to move forward again, stronger than before.
Back to the hospital/recovery scenario with Vernon: there have been many times that I hold on to one area of his improvement with my left hand. For example, I held on to his hand-squeezes for a week, but then there wasn’t enough change to stay there for long, no upward motion. I needed to find a place for my right hand, and there was nothing in sight. I found myself scrambling for better news and began to accept new unexpected footholds, even if they seem out of the way from the direction I wanted to focus on. Maybe it’s the move to a new room, maybe its another tube or monitor being removed from Vernon’s body, another story of recovery from a TBI patient.
Sometimes, when I am obsessed with a certain angle of recovery, this new foothold can feel like a step backward at first, just because it isn’t the thing I want to see most that day. But it isn’t really going backward at all; it is actually a lateral movement, which is part of the upward momentum when all of it comes together. The journey in my mind is what is changing. The experience isn’t a straight line. But it is good. And unlike my previous rock-wall attempts, I can’t give up this round. Therefore, it will be rewarding. It already is.
Today I felt like I was climbing the walls out of sheer boredom. Being a busy, project-minded type, I don’t like things to stay the same for long. I have run out of creative ideas to help my husband, and so I was beginning to get annoyed and well…bored. A more familiar kind of wall-climbing.
AND THEN, these three things happened:
The Infectious Disease Specialist came by today to tell me that Vernon has been off antibiotics for a week. He said Vernon’s white blood cell count was back to normal and I shouldn’t be expecting to see him again. All signs of infection are gone from Vernon’s body. I’d almost forgotten about the scare from a couple of weeks ago…it was like looking back to a crevice in the rock waaaay behind us.
Here is a really foggy (or arty?) picture of Dr. Wilkins checking on his handiwork after the final wrapping was removed from Vernon’s forearm. He was happy with the healing of the pelvis and femur too, by the way. I love listening to surgeons assess their own work: it truly is something they should be proud of. Vernon’s bones are almost completely healed now, which is a blessing and when Vernon fully wakes up, he won’t have to deal with the pain of broken bones. Some soreness, for sure, but not a broken bone! I think if I were him, that’s the way I’d want it too.
And I’m also thankful that Vernon wasn’t awake to see his gorgeous respiratory therapist today. This lady gives Sophia Vergara a run for her money (with a South American accent too!) She’s great, but lets hope she isn’t the one in the room when he fully wakes up. Or maybe for his sake, maybe she should be! I have this on good authority: all the female nurses look at her and wonder why their scrubs don’t look the same.
Yes, another reason to be thankful. God bless lateral thinking. Goodness is everywhere. Lets keep reaching for it.
Lets keep climbing.
For the big thinkers, if you want an even better theory on Lateral Thinking, here is a great one:
“At first the truths Phaedrus began to pursue were lateral truths; no longer the frontal truths of science, those toward which the discipline pointed, but the kind of truth you see laterally, out of the corner of your eye. In a laboratory situation, when your whole procedure goes haywire, when everything goes wrong or is indeterminate or is so screwed up by unexpected results you can’t make head or tail out of anything, you start looking laterally. That’s a word he later used to describe a growth of knowledge that doesn’t move forward like an arrow in flight, but expands sideways, like an arrow enlarging in flight, or like the archer, discovering that although he has hit the bull’s eye and won the prize, his head is on a pillow and the sun is coming in the window. Lateral knowledge is knowledge that’s from a wholly unepected direction, from a direction that’s not even understood as a direction until the knowledge forces itself upon one. Lateral truths point to the falseness of axioms and postulates underlying one’s existing system of getting at truth.”
Robert M Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
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you have put your words down beautifully ..you have explained your journey so well…..i know that journey of rock climbing ~ sometimes you just need someone, who is standing a little bit away, to show you the next place to hold on tight,as you are standing so close and feel to emotional, then one day you are climbing higher and higher on your own, and you look back and realize you have come so far on your own.
vernon seems to be climbing a little on his own right now, always one to do it his way, love you all so much , keep climbing Allison,but make sure you have sensible shoes on!! xx
sensible shoes! yes, one thing I got in my time in England was a love for Clarks! 🙂 Thanks Vanessa…its so funny you should mention the shoes. Someone gave me a wad of cash recently to spend on myself and I bought a pair of flat sandals with it. They were cute, but very practical…I thought they would be good for wearing while I stood over a hospital bed. And now I can’t wear anything else. xoxo
I commend you for yor indomitable spirit. Not all of us can see this lateral view in the periphery. Hang on to those movements lateral or otherwise. The big picture is still unfolding in God’s perfect time and way! Thinking of you both daily with love and prayers.
it hard to explain…so i’m glad you understand. I don’t want it to come across as negative, because I don’t feel it is…I do think this is movement. Vernon could come back to himself tomorrow or it two weeks. I know it will be soon though. its the doldrums that are just so boring sometimes. So finding new ways to get through that is a stretch, but hopefully a good thing.
Well…..I CAN certainly relate to that! Every journey, every path has lateral movement. I also call it ‘road signage’. When we slow down and notice the flowers on the side of the road rather than the BLURRRR (while going Mach One those flowers they blurrrr)….well, slowing down is a lateral movement. It mean the destination is not as important as the process. I like the process Vernon is on….but I especially like it for you Allison.
so good to hear from you tonite. praying daily for you all…
so good to hear from you tonite. i say very little when i comment because i am in such awe of all the beautiful and insightful words that fill these pages – by you and the many friends that comment here. praying daily for all the adams family…
What you are talking about I find so, so interesting. Isnt it amazing that you almost forgot the worries you had only weeks ago about the infections! Great News that theyre gone. Maki is waiting very patiently for his dad to Wake up properly, he is so patient.
Today we went to an adventure town called Rotorua, on “the luge”, a ride simular to sledging, but not on snow. We went very fast Downhill, and Maki did great judging his speed around corners. We are working on that piece of film to send you, so Vernon gets to hear his voice, but Jenni keeps interrupting With one of her million questions.
such eloquence, beauty and humour. Ali you have expressed your thoughts sensitively at what seems like such a constant changing journey. It was good talking to you yesterday, I am overwhelmed with your strength, i am truley lost for words, so i’ll shut up while the goings good or it will end up as just garbled babbling. much love and speak soon xx
So thrilled to hear this fabulous news that the infection is gone! Prayers have certainly been answered in this direction! thank you for the gift of transparency that you give to us all Allison-I love your analogy and the interesting thoughts on lateral thinking. We do get stuck thinking along certain lines-God is so good and He is creative- Even within the work he is now doing by knitting Vernon back together. I love hearing the things you are learning on this journey with God and with Vernon. Thank you for the gift of yourself Allison- Our prayers continue to surround and envelop- Love to you and yours……..
<3 always uplifting………
Always so insightful, Ali. So happy to hear about Vernon’s positive progress! And this experience has propelled you into a realm of higher thinking that few others reach. Your insight in the face of all of this is both inspiring and infectious. Much love to you, friend.
I think this is exquisite, Allison, and I can’t stop reading it. Perhaps when I do, I will dust off my Pirsig. Thank you so much for making the effort to share it, and then succeeding like you did. I feel very privileged to have these glimpses into you, your process, your family, and the quality of the love you have for one another. May you continue to weather the doldrums so thoughtfully.
Allison,
You are holding on wonderfully. Somebody yesterday that they came to the prayer line to check up on Vernon but I couldn’t find anything. One of the ladies talked about Justine raising the moon. So glad that all the infeiston is gone and maybe he will wake up soon and not hurt so bad. You and Vernon and your family are constantly being prayed for by somebody in the wide world of ours. May God bless you and all care about you and Vernon.
Love,
Becky
I love this post Allison, it’s so thought provoking and inspiring. Continuing to pray for you guys!
Way to go embracing and finding JOY in the technical art of climbing!
Always praying sweet sister 🙂
Oh I so understand lateral movement ! And the way you do it rock climbing is so true as well as having others below or beside you to help you see what your shaky feet and tired fingers cannot. I bet next time you go rock climbing it’ll be a totally different experience!
We are here rooting for you sweet heart. Your cheerleaders thru the less than exciting lateral moves. You’re doing great and Vernon’s progress is a sure sign of your hard working relentless love.