I know many of my readers have been curiously waiting for me to share the details of the meeting with the other driver, and whether it even took place. It did take place, the very morning it was planned, though we weren’t sure the wife would be there or it it would be postponed till the last minute. It turned out that she only got the news that morning, and managed to come out during her lunch break. I was grateful for her willingness to be there regardless of the communication mix up. Because of their repentant attitudes, I won’t go into all the details here. It’s their story too, which I don’t feel I can fully share now that we’ve established that. But I will say I went into the meeting assuming I would find uncaring people. I was ready to say my piece but I imagined the worst: that it would fall on blank ears. It wasn’t like that at all. We found a young couple who had been overwhelmed by the situation, who had listened to the advice of others/lawyers not to contact us or answer us. I still believe conscience should trump advice, because we have to live with ourselves and our choices. So we talked about that a little bit, and I explained what had happened to Vernon. I asked them my questions and they answered every single one. I felt like they were emotionally present with us, which I am sure was difficult. It was difficult for us too, but so important.I found out that he had lost his own father in a car accident when he was young. When I heard that, I stopped hearing anything else as clearly, but began to hurt for that boy.
So when Maki came in (we’d spoken as adults for a half hour or so, with lawyers in the room) and evenly delivered his words about his dad and how much he had changed after the accident, I know it was a big deal. (I don’t want to comment on that more here as I’m not sure who reads this.) Justine, who I’d thought would be full of words, got a little shyer in her “first adult meeting,” simply said: “I just want an apology.” They nodded tearfully, and apologized, mentioning that they too had a little boy about her age. She squirmed on my lap for a few seconds, and then looked back up at them: “I forgive you.”
So here we are. Finished with the hour long meeting we barely got to have. No money on the table, no sudden windfall. But it was never about that…I knew very early on in the case that there was no money to be had. But we got what we wanted out of the meeting, in the end. It took a few days to even be able to talk about it with my close friends. It still feels surreal. But something good happened. I could feel space for breath inside my body that hadn’t been there for a long time, maybe ever. I was less angry at the world (still sad and concerned, let it be known.) And even Maki said he felt good that it happened, he felt better. So I guess that could be a kind of “closure” in itself. I don’t know what happens next, I’ll chat with my attorney. But in the meantime, there are no more ghosts around the accident. That in itself,is a spiritual breakthrough.
Incidentally, in the room we met, there was a framed photo of an eagle’s head. That was the bird Vernon used to say was his special animal that had showed up at significant times in his life. When I got home and opened the internet, this image came up—a meme with Vernon’s Amatic font. I’m taking it as a message from him. 🙂
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So moving to read this, to feel behind your words the powerful emotions. Thanks for sharing, and for showing grace to the other couple. God will continue to go before you and Maki and Justine.
Amen,Lynnel! Love and prayers continue for all of you. Justine’s simple And direct words put me in mind of this:
“And a young child shall lead them…”
Jesus said,”Let the little children come to me;and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not enter the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Mark 10:14,15.
Continued healing and peace for all of you! You are a brave and courageous lady – you live well and set a Great example of enduring hardship well – still Praying daily for all of you –
So blessed by your sharing yet again. Sweet Justine direct and to the point. So wise for such a little one. You are raising her well. Maki is strong and courageous. You are blessed.
Thank you for sharing, this is so powerful ,what you did will go a long way and will continue to speak volumes in many ways. Sending my prayers and love to you all. XXOO
Beautiful xx
Going on this journey with you has been intense and radically shaking to my own experiences. I am so grateful you finally were able to have your sit down and that the couple showed some signs of humanity and were not simply indignant. I also continue as we all do to send all three of you dearest love and especially admiration in your ability to continue to find the good. Bless you, Maki and Justine. XO
Oh Ali I’m in tears. One of the things I love about you is that you feel deeply and you feel for others deeply. You demonstated your faith – solely by being who God made you and your kids got to witness that. I’m so proud of you and humbled by your heart. Thank you for sharing your journey. I love you.
Cried about the additional accident/tragedy and what Justine said. It’s so, so heavy. I’m glad to hear they were emotionally impacted and that you were able to see that for yourself. Thank you so much for sharing.
Oh how heavy – your discription of the meeting was gripping. Just lots of tears. Imagining how each of you felt…. how brave each one of you are. I’m very moved by Justine’s request for an apology, and that she could say I forgive you. I’m amazed
Look at how deep and wise the kids are. Just like Mum and Dad.
Your description of being able to breathe deeper. I’m beyond glad for you.
And then the picture! The font! The words! OMGosh! That WAS GOD!!!
What a precious personal gift… I’m in awe.
It’s been said before, our hearts have grown, being taught so much by you, Vernon and the kids.
We love you all so much.
Marc, Kirsten, Eva and Noah
Thanks for sharing this, Allison. How heartbreakingly ironic that the man lost his father in a car accident as a young boy. And Justine…..oh, my heart!
Thank You for sharing. An important step in this journey of a thousand.
More tears, for you and your family and for them. Thank you for sharing this huge, event. I’m so glad they met with you and that you pursued the meeting. To me, it seems like life goes frequently this way… not neat and tidy, but more complicated than at least I expect. I think that’s why one of my favorite passages is from the book of John. “For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” I have so much love and respect for you Allison!
Reading this, I’m feeling a great sense of relief for you. I think you and the kids are absolutely amazing for coming through this very tough situation, and making the choice to offer compassion and forgiveness to this other family…that’s huge. May God bless you each abundantly and continue to bring healing. xo
So profound, such courage for all involved. Praying for continued healing and peace of heart and mind.
love!
Dear Allison,
Have been waiting for this meeting and it comes out completely different from what you had expected. Thanks for feeling that little boy who lost his Dad so young. And Justine and Maki they were so special and so brave.
Aren’t glad that is over and you can breath a little more now that you know their part in this? Bless all of you every day.
Love,
Becky Jones
I am always in awe of you and I have been since the day we met. But this body of bold, uncompromising, soul-baring work is absolutely breathtaking. Every time. Thank you for sharing your story.
Since we already talked about the meeting I just wanted to comment on what you had said about the other couple listening to what their legal counsel was instead of reaching out to you.
I find this such a hard part of life when people get scared into believing lawyers, etc over their own heart.
The “shoulds” and “should nots” of this world just drive me nuts sometimes as people forget their humanness.
As I get older I’m listening to my own heart more and I do believe human kindness is stronger than any Legal action that could be taken against you
Well there’s my two cents on the matter
So happy the meeting happened and that it went differently than you had visualized
Always a new surprise at every turn isn’t there?