Courage is not the absence of fear but the acquired ability to move beyond fear.” ~ Matthew Kelly
There are so many great quotes about courage, but this one makes so much sense right now. It IS an acquired thing for me….my threshold for disappointment may be higher than it used to be, but so is my ability to hope. I’m learning that the two can walk hand in hand. I LOVE to see improvements in Vernon…Saturday’s clarity was such a boost, for example! But the last couple of days, he has been tired and sick and agitated and unable to express himself well. It’s not what we want to see…although the truth is, it isn’t actually ABOUT us and our feelings. His brain and body are going to take the time they need, whether or not its convenient for his family. But even so, its hard to watch him in pain and discomfort.
I saw this deflated balloon by the side of the road a few weeks ago and actually made a U-turn and pulled over to take a photo. I recognized the symbolism immediately and knew there would be a time I’d feel like this in the future. It’s the way of long term recovery. You get a good day…you get a bad day. Nothing is consistent for long. But the fact that you are walking the path at all is a reason to keep walking it.
Its all an uphill climb. Vernon gets a little better, we climb a little higher. He gets worse, we climb down…but its just a valley, we aren’t back at sea level…we are still in the range. Even our valleys are peaks compared to where we once were.
And that is how we grow in courage. Vernon is physically exhausted, while I’m emotionally exhausted…but we are still more able to handle the ups and downs than we were before. And so we keep going, keep growing.
It’s amazing to discover how much a person can handle.
And you know what? There are people who have it MUCH harder than we do. I imagine their courage is vast, but they probably still had to grow it inside themselves. It sounds weird to say it: but its probably easier when you don’t have a choice. I also believe that God gives mysterious grace to those who are suffering …which surely waters those courage seeds so they can grow as needed.
This is a song I’ve been listening to a lot lately. Though I think its probably another break-up song, some of the lyrics hit my heart in a big way. Pretend its about whatever you are going through, and maybe you’ll feel the same.
We all go through hard stuff. Lots of fear, lots of loss…I wish it wasn’t such a big part of living, but it is. Whatever you are going through is YOURS….and if its YOURS, it stings, especially if it lingers too long. But it’s the opportunity to expand…and be stronger for the next time something comes along, either better or worse. Take courage! You’ve earned it!
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Thank you for this beautiful post! If some people experience harder things than what you have had last year it is not MUCH harder. You are already living with this long term, in the hilly landscape, and you give comfort to others (me) on top of it all. Big hug
Love your ability to process this journey , The photo of the ballon is poster material, absolutely floored me. Reminiscent of an old comment from the 60’s. (been down so long it looks like up) Love Joe
“Courage is looking fear right in the eye and saying, “Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got things to do.” – Unknown
xx love and hugs xx
As always, inspired by your ability to put the journey you are on with Vernon into words that so many of us can relate to, each in our own way, with our own struggles and challenges. I agree, the difficulties in my life have been exactly what has caused me to grow and depend on God. The “letting go and letting God” sounds simple but it can be a difficult process. Love the pic of the balloon!
If we were to put a photo with the word courage it would be a picture of Allison Moore!!! Your courage is manifested though the love for JESUS and he says “well done!!” Thank you
Allison,
You sound like you have been thru the fire and came out and you are still growing. Just keep Christ by your side and help Vernon get better. To think that you would think that other people had it worse. Bless you dear Allison.
Love,
Becky Jones