“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” Fyodor Dostoyevsky
You may remember my new friend, the 94-year old sweetheart Dorothy Cherry. Even her name is sweet. This woman has a heart of gold and upon first meeting her, I knew I’d be seeking her out in my visits. Unfortunately last Sunday, she had a fall during the community bingo game, which I witnessed. I talked to her a bit afterward and could see that she was very upset. She tried to have me take her outside and hail a cab to get her back to Leisure World, but obviously she already was home, even if she didn’t want to stay. I tried to calm her down, we talked about her great-grandson, whom she carries two photos of in her purse. But she was distraught, as if the fall was a harbinger of the end of her life, the final turning in of her “ability-card.” I promised to see her when I visited next, but of course Vernon had his own fall, which threw everything off for a few days, including my promise to Dorothy.
So on Friday, I sought her out at the end of my visit to Vernon. She was sitting in her wheelchair, in her room, reading Our Daily Bread, an inspirational magazine. I asked if it was okay if I came in and she reached her arms out to me.
“I’ve been so depressed,” she said. “I hate living in this place day after day. I’m the oldest one here, you know. I really don’t want to be here.”
I knelt next to her and held her hand and listened for awhile. It felt weird to offer my two cents to someone so much older and wiser, but I told her what I could think of: that even though I am still out in the world, moving around in it from place to person, I have learned one way to get through my own challenging season, and I think it is probably the same thing that will work for her, for anyone. It’s really quite simple: look for a small story in every day—and if you can’t find one, make one. For Dorothy, she might find another patient who needs a listening ear…or maybe a staff member who needs a special hug or compliment (they work SO hard, after all.) It might not seem like much, but its going to make each day stand out from the next.
“There is a reason you are still here, Dorothy. Even being the oldest person in the home gives the other patients hope. You still have a purpose in life, even if you aren’t in the place you thought you’d be now. God hasn’t taken you home yet. And the more you do this, the more you find that hint of purpose, you’ll remember your joy. You are a giver, keep finding ways to give.”
Bloom where you are planted. Someone said that to me once in a dark time. It sounds so easy and even cheesy. But sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world.
I prayed with her, and hoped that brought some comfort. She did smile and thanked me. I thought of her constantly after that because my heart had grown for her even more. You know how it is…when you try to help another, you are really helping yourself. I felt those words for her were equally words for me. She had become part of my purpose.
Today, at the end of our visit with Vernon, I brought the kids to meet Dorothy. She was full of sweet smiles again and hugged us all, grabbing Maki’s arm, telling him about our visit the other day. “I had been so blue,” she said, “but now I feel hopeful again.” She tried to pull Justine in her lap, but of course she couldn’t lift her (I hardly can, either!) but I loved the impulse. She obviously loves children and company.
On our way out, Justine said, “She’s a really nice lady, but where are all the pictures on her wall?”
And Maki said, “She’s so sweet and loving. I know exactly what I’ll do with that long canvas we got yesterday at the art supply.”
Here I had brought the kids to minister to Dorothy, but she had touched both of them.
Here is Maki working on his canvas for her wall. “What kind of colors do you think she’ll like,” he asked.
“Happy colors,” I said.
“Of course,” he responded, rolling his eyes. “I knew THAT.”
Thank you, Dorothy, for giving us a sense of purpose today. We love you.
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson
(If any scheduled visitors want to pay a visit to Dorothy, please let me know by email, and I’ll send her room number along. You’ll be blessed by a hug, I assure you.)
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Allison,
Inez who lives in the same house her only son. She celebrated her 97th birthday and it still on the move. She gets out and go to church and it is a church that was not raised in but they all her and has a bunch of Great-great grand kids. she goes out to the Life Care Center with someone else. She gave up her car but she is up and working
at different things.
She is a wonder and I told her that God was not ready for her and she something else to do.
Becky
Allison you bless my heart by blessing Dorothy’s heart! If we could all just visit one home bound Person once a week, think how the world would be! I love all the quotes im putting them into a folder. I love them all.
Poor Vernon, he is such a fighter, I’m sorry for all of these comma’s in his life. Well God is in the drivers seat, thats for sure! Xxoo
Beautiful…
Allison, you are writing the story of this season of your life. It is tender and beautiful and inspiring. I dont know you well, though we are sisters, but i feel I know you in an intimate way. And I believe this story has and will encourage many others as they walk through difficult things. You are beautiful and a masterpiece in God’s creation. Thank you again for sharing and inspiring and persevering so admirably and humanly. I love you.
Crying.
You are an inspiration.
In your brokenness, in your faith.
You inspire.
Crying.
That really, REALLY blessed me. Seeing the light of Christ, and taking that next little step into it. Like yesterday’s message at Heritage. That’s you.
Alison, I do not know you but I receive you’re emails & I think you are So good & so strong &with all your troubles,you can still look out for other people & also bringing up the children, the old lady called Dorothy must have been so pleased to see you all I’m sure she will love the picture. (In case you wonder who I am I am Joan’s cousin from Tonbridge in Kent England )&you are always in my prayers
Love sue x
I adore your heart. <3
Dear Allison,
Ydou are an amazing communicator. I’ve read through many of your entries that have touched my heart by your strength and amazing love to endure and find hope in the many months of ups and downs.
This weekend I sat with a young woman age 39 almost 40. She is a beautiful young lady who has a degree in Art History and has directed an Art Museum in Ontario, CA. Five years ago she was diagnosed with debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis. She had to give up her position at the art museum. She will have to be on heavy medications to deal with the unbearable pain. She is on chem to slow down the effects of the disease. On Sunday, I sat and spoke in length with a homeless woman in her sixties. Her husband left seven years ago leaving her without income. She wasn’t able to hold on to the home place and does not have skills for employment. She told me how she had tried to get help, but the government agencies were not able to help her. She had gone to a shelter where she was attacked and beaten. Then she slept here and there in parks, on church properties only to be picked up by the police and put in jail. She looked at me and said I am so tired, I just want a place to sleep. I was able to give her some food from a luncheon we had at the church. I don’t have my own home so I couldn’t offer a place to stay and rest. I felt so bad to leave her. I keep praying for the young woman with the debilitating disease – broken dreams, and then I pray for the homeless woman to have a place to rest and to have a meal. Both of these ladies have touched my life. I’m thankful for what I have, but would desire to help those who have no hope. I pray they find hope in the Lord and he will hear and answer their prayers and my prayers for them.
Allison, you and your children and your dear Vernon are in my prayers.
Keep writing, it is great therapy and is causing us to count our blessings and to have compassion for others.
I’m amazed at the work the Lord is doing in the lives of your children through this experience. What a light you have been to them. They are seeing holes being punched into the darkness.
They are learning how to make a difference in the lives of others. I know Dorothy is going to love and enjoy your son’s art work on her wall. He is making a difference.
Love and Prayers for all of you,
Charlotte
beautiful. Allison I am encouraged by you always. Prayers continue for you .