I took this picture of Vernon on Friday morning. He was out of his bed and it took three CNA’s to get him back in. It wasn’t the first time, wouldn’t be the last. They shook their heads at me with the same look in their eyes: it’s going to be a trying month ahead. The wound nurse came in to check his hip. Vernon didn’t want him touching him, didn’t think anything was wrong there. The nurse said, “This is going to be a hard situation.” I told him I preferred the word “challenging.”
I’ve been very worried about him the past few days. The state of the world and some heavy/tragic news from a few different friends have put my head in a spin. If I’m not careful, I carry around my feelings about all of it and I think Vernon picks up on my negative vibes. It doesn’t help either of us. I sniffled through my workout Saturday morning before seeing my mom and crying on her shoulder. “I wanted this surgery so much, and now that we are on the other side of it, I’m so worried about him. What if he can’t keep the cast on? What if it gets infected? What if he loses his arm?”
My wonderful mother prayed with me and gently said: “You thought the worst was going to happen before—and it didn’t. How you feel now doesn’t mean you know the future.”
I kept thinking of that throughout the weekend. I don’t know the future. I’d listen to more of the upsetting news around the world and instead of getting angry like I have been the past month or so, I’d remind myself with this pinch of salt: I don’t know the future. I’d think about my dear friend with aggressive cancer, and say a prayer for her because I don’t know the future. I don’t know the future of life with Vernon. I don’t know the future of his arm. I don’t know the future of the kids. It may all turn out better than I can imagine right now. I don’t know either way.
Funny that one can find either fear or peace in that, depending on how one thinks. At the moment, I’m slightly more peaceful. Control is overrated anyway, right? But still, it’s worth asking for a sign. A sign that something will get better. I just want to know I’m on the right path.
Vernon’s new doctor, Dr. Hong, left me a message Sunday morning. He’d checked up on Vernon and thought he was doing well. He also told me he was best reached by text message—which works well for me! Here is our interchange:
I think it was the sign I needed…that I can communicate with Vernon’s new doctor with emojis.
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Tears of relief, reading the exchange with the Dr. It’s very good that he can communicate with you directly that way. (I realize that’s obvious.)
I hope words were encouraging to you
I realize, saying Im praying, sounds kind of flat…but at any rate I am.
Lord, pour out healing and renewed hope over Vernon! We put our hope in You alone Jesus!
What a blessing to have a Dr. who actually communicates directly with you (even though by text, rather than in person.) He/she sounds like a wise and caring person. Dear Lord, we ask for healing for Vernon and peace of mind for Allison. We ask for special blessings for all his caregivers that they will be as kind and gentle with him as they would be with one of their own family members. Lord, we ask for reassurance for Allison and all of us who care about Vernon that even though we don’t know the future….we know who “holds” that future. We pray that you would give us all an extra dose of “peace and goodwill” and that we would not feel hopeless and depressed about the awful things going on in this world. Help us to keep our eyes on you and the hope of Heaven where you shall “wipe away all tears.” Big hugs to you Allie and to Justine, Maki & Vernon.
Louise this is beautiful xx thank you for those touching words today xx
(Verns sister) xx
Love you and praying for a peace over you, Vernon, Justine and Maki. The Lord has you all in His hand!
Happy about the change in doctors.
“Have mercy on Vernon Lord Jesus; thank you for the peace you’ve given Alison, thank You for the hope You’ve given her but God, place in her a new hope, pour out Your love on her, that she feels Your presence Your love, be with Vernon right now, embrace Vernon with your love and HEALING POWER, in Jesus’ name. Amen.” XOXO
I Know we don’t know the future…but I know in the Present you are a woman who LOVES WELL…YOU LOVE WELL…and I Pray God Sends others to LOVE WELL ON YOU AND VERNON AT THIS TIME…And also that his arm heals up supernaturally, quickly….and for more Peace…Peace…Peace…Peace….and More Great communication with all the health care professionals taking care of Vernon (and you). You are a Wonderful witness to all of them….of what LOVE looks like. Prayers…and Hugs…and everything you need just for today…..
Allison, we do not know the future ..non of us do .. with each step we take every moment of our lives , but i know in my heart you have taken the right ones ..the steps that are best for Vern , you and the children.
we (Vern`s family in England) put all our love and trust in your steps , we are right behind you, step by step in our thoughts!
love always to Vern, you, Maki and Justine
ps thank you for the email from Vern yesterday ..i hope you can get to read the reply to him soon xx
beautiful words written from your friends above xx
Hi Vanessa. Thank you so much. Such kind words. The person sitting next to Vernon yesterday called me to tell me he was agitated and wanted to go home so I sent her the letter, hoping it would distract him for a bit. So he already got it. If I have the chance I will read it to him again today. 🙂 Today will be 2 and a half hours on the chair in the new place…instead of 2. Hoping he can handle the change. Hoping I can handle it too. Hahah! Have a great day!
Great point to remember – for all of us – we don’t know what the future holds – but we know who holds the future.
Just what you needed! Thank you Lord!
Allison,
We are hoping and praying for Vernon and the Maki and Justine. Let me tell you a story about me. I had a stroke in the 1972 and my youngest son was 2 years old and will be 46 this year. God has been with me all along the way and I will turn 75 in Sept. I never ever thought I would live all this length of time and we are celebrating our 57 anniversary in Sept as well.
God has been with us all along the way. Now I am in my 4th from being told that I had breast cancer. God is there thru it all. Don’t know if Vernon will live all this long or not. That is in God’s hands. The things going on today can make us very upset and other people can feel it if they knows real well. Just think God’s is over us all and he can control.
Becky Jones
what an amazing story, Becky. I never realized! Thank you for sharing. You can speak with authority! I’m so happy to hear of all your milestones in life and love. Wonderful!