When I arrived in Fountain Valley at the Vascular Surgeon’s office this morning, Vernon was already there, discreetly tucked away in room with his ambulance drivers.
He gets a lot of different drivers, but today’s was the same duo that I met last Wednesday, when I had that horrible experience with the Urologist’s staff. Not only had they helped me by restraining an unruly Vernon, they had witnessed the way the office had treated us. So it was a great relief for all of us, I think, that Vernon was so mellow and personable this time. I’m only just beginning to see that the disabled aren’t always treated graciously, and to be honest, it frightens me a little.
This was our third time meeting Dr. Duong, the Surgeon. He had placed an AV Fistula in Vernon’s arm about two months back, and this appointment was a chance for him to access the healing. It usually takes three or four months for the port to heal enough to be used in dialysis.
The gentle Doctor felt around the fistula and showed us how it basically becomes part of the artery running down his arm. It feels and looks like a vein through the skin. “It IS his vein,” said the doctor. He also said it wasn’t ready yet. So we made an appointment for the end of August. I’m already making doctor’s appointments for August? Summer hasn’t even started! At this rate, it will fly by.
There was enough time left to meet him back at Mesa Verde and visit for awhile. I took him out to the courtyard, where Carlos was hanging out.
Carlos is going through his own tough time as a lady that he recently became close friends with just passed away last week. While she was on hospice care, the staff allowed only him to go visit with her. It was sad, but inevitable. “I knew she had Stage 4 cancer,” said Carlos, “But you always hope something will change and she will miraculously start getting better.”
There is a lot of death in a place like this, and these guys have to take it in stride. It’s something I’ve started to think about a lot more, myself, but I’ll save those thoughts for another post.
I took these next photos today, but really its just a snapshot of what happens a few times every day.
This is Ramona, Vernon (and Joe’s) main CNA. She is the one who moves him back and forth from his bed to chair, she changes his clothes, shaves him, and cleans him up. And always with a smile. She is truly caring, and Vernon responds very well to her. She jokes with him sometimes, but she mostly treats him like there is nothing wrong with him, that these things she has to help him with are just a part of life. And they are.
Whenever I see this interchange, I am moved not only by how the CNAs serve him with such dignity and care, but how Vernon understands that there is no shame in this. It’s a routine he doesn’t mind— and doesn’t question. Joe says one gets over one’s shame pretty fast in a nursing home. It’s a humbling experience, but a lot easier to deal with once one accepts it.
I noticed a new pillow on Vernon’s bed. It looked so sweet and homey sitting there in the hospital room. I asked Ramona if one of Vernon’s visitors had brought it as a gift. She told me no, she had brought it from home.
“That’s so sweet of you, Ramona.”
She just shrugged. “I thought it would be good for his arm, make him more comfortable.”
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A very sobering post, Alli. Sending you lots of love over the airwaves today…
Thanks, Ali. Some days… xoxox
Allison,
Vern is so skinny. Thank God for CNA like Vern and Joe have is wonderful. That is one thing that you can be thankful for and the kind doctor was being so nice to him. People can be nice if they chose too but there a lot that do jobs for sick people who don’t think anything about them that they just have to get their job done.
Becky
there are some amazing people in this world ..i`m so pleased Vern is meeting so many of them, to help and care for him on his journey xx
xx love to you all xx