A very wise therapist made a comment about my last post on Bereavement. She explains ‘letting go’ so well, I want to keep it in this collection of pages. I also want to share it with others.
‘Letting go is not an action it’s a mind-set. It’s not like holding on to a rope and then dropping it. It’s more like releasing an inner tension. It’s holding on to concept of how things should be as opposed to how they are. It’s thinking you can control everything in this moment. In fact its not living in the moment, it’s living in the future. The future of either “what if’s” or “if onlys.”
At its core, letting go is having faith. Having faith that you don’t have to pull and push and cajole and scream for the universe to hear you.
It’s trust. It’s trusting that if you do the right thing, think the right thoughts, do your work well, take care of others, give back, care, always care, caring is essential, things will work out OK.
They will work out the way they are supposed to. Which is not always the way we want. But that is part of letting go.’
I keep returning to this idea over the past couple of days. I do feel that I have a little more slack in my rope again, so maybe that is what I have done. I’ve “let go”…just enough to get me through the next wave of days and whatever else comes inside them. Anyway, thanks Karen…your words did me good.
Vernon seemed okay the day after his surgery. The dialysis technicians were pleased to have a new port to work with, but his words were garbled and all he could speak about was water.
We did finish Peter Pan though. Toward the last page, I read this bit: (the second paragraph)
“Wendy was pained too to find that the past year was but as yesterday to Peter: it had seemed such a long year of waiting to her. But he was exactly as fascinating as ever…”
Vernon cannot remember the day before, let alone last year. I suppose I should find comfort in this, for his sake, though it has seemed such a long year of waiting…
Today when I visited, he was much better. He was talkative and happy, though he made sense less than half the time. He seemed comfortable and alert and it appeared to me that the swelling had gone down in his face and arm. I think that issue may have been managed by the surgery as well: I’ll keep looking for changes.
I also brought him a special gift. His friend Erik had put together a poster for him, covered with what he thought might be some of his favorite music. And he was right on most of them.
I have recently taken down most of the pictures on Vernon’s wall, as they had curled with tape and time. I realized he may not want to look at a mis-mash of old family photos every day. Maybe he wants the room to be decorated according to his own taste or interests. He is definitely more of a minimalist than I.
This is going to be perfect for his “teenage” room. He does seem to be stuck in those teen years half the time, so the timing couldn’t be better. Also there is a great reminder on the back.
When all else fails, we will turn the poster around. Words to live by. Words to remember.