Since Vernon’s life doesn’t seem as endangered this week, I find myself trying hard to make up for lost time, creatively, even though I still need to drive up to see him most days. Maybe its because I have another Creativity Event on the near horizon (link coming soon!) or because I went to that writer’s workshop last weekend. Maybe its just finding the personal balance. Though I like caregiving more than I ever would have expected, I don’t ONLY want to be a caregiver. Identity is especially important to artist-types, or so I’ve been told, so here is fighting for more than.
I enjoyed taking notes of what I heard around me so much the other day that I brought my notebook with me again today, hoping to work on another poem, whilst Vernon got his PEMF Therapy on the mat. I also brought a bunch of paint-pens, just in case it would be easier to make a painting.
I wrote a lot of notes, overcome with ideas, and had this fantastic poem in my head, but it seems there was no time to sort my thoughts before it was time to turn around and pick up Justine from her very-short Kindergarten morning. The problem is…most of my ideas come when I’m driving…and by the time I stop again, someone requires my time or I simply get too distracted to get back to my original impetus. (I actually drove off before collecting the milkshake I ordered through the MacDonald’s Drive-Thru for Vernon today…that should give you some idea of how distractible I am.) It’s almost like I have too many ideas and no ability to release them completely.
My big plan was to collect my thoughts this afternoon. But of course there was a Late-Owls get together at the park that I couldn’t miss (and I’m glad I didn’t!)
By the time Maki came home from school, I’d pretty much given up. It was clear that whatever great poem was to emerge from the day was very unlikely to ever happen. The writer’s workshop inspiration would have to catch up on another day, if it really wanted to bless me with it’s power.
I sat down to write at the kitchen table, hoping to consolidate a couple of ideas I’d jotted in my notebook earlier. Justine wanted to be near me, so she claimed half the surface space for her play-doh kitchen. I couldn’t concentrate with her chatter, so I pulled out the bag of paint pens I’d packed earlier and joined her creative space. Maki walked into the room after finishing his homework: “I want to paint too.”
And so we came together in this tiny dining room, together apart. Each doing our own thing in the same space, enriched.
God bless this mess.
Shortly after…Maki went off to learn a Pixies song on his guitar. He is inspired to practice by his new teacher that he started with yesterday. And Justine, hearing him move into the living room, in true Alpha Dog fashion, began figuring out “Call Me Maybe” on the keyboard.
I never did write that great poem. I never started the painting that has been brewing in my mind. But this afternoon, I was not “Caregiver”…I was the artist mama-bird, watching the babies take joy in practicing their flight-tools. And look at that…somehow, I got a blog post in too!
At the end of the day, I have to say, I feel fulfilled…who cares what I have to show for it!