It’s Thanksgiving! Well, it is tomorrow, but from the traffic and the shopping lines, you’d think it was all week. And it a way, it is. The nursing home has been filled with new (to me) faces: grandchildren and nieces and nephews who have come into town for the holiday are coming in for visits to their elderly loved ones. It’s quite touching, actually…but it makes me wish we had more special holidays all year long, just so these sweet people could get their favorite people coming to see them more often.
Growing up, Thanksgiving wasn’t a terribly significant event. It was Christmas that we kids lived for…which was chock-full of sentimental traditions and PRESENTS. But my mom’s family was faithful about celebrating Turkey Day together. We’d meet up in Laguna Beach and for a pot-luck on a picnic table. I remember there being lots of adult-foods like pâté and tomato bisque. (This was the 70’s, before kids were raised to like those kinds of things.) I think one year the kids were treated by something special like a big tub of Kentucky Fried Chicken, but for me it was never about the feast. It was about seeing the cousins from that side of the family and exploring on the rocks and the sand below. (This was the 70s, before kids were told to be fearful of those things, unless an adult was watching.)
As I grew older, it seemed we spent a lot of Thanksgivings abroad or in a new town with new people, and we lost our attachment to the semblance of tradition that even those beach picnics had brought. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve had plenty of fine Thanksgiving feasts at other’s homes over the years. My aunt Sue, who has a wonderful hospitality ministry (and blog) of her own throws a big feast nearly every year and invites everyone she meets. So it’s in the family somewhere! But I’ve never prepared or cooked a turkey in my 44 years and I am hoping I can get through the next 44 without ever touching a naked bird once.
But this year…this year, I get it. We are having special people come home for Thanksgiving, and I feel like we should roll out the red carpet, as if Joe and Vernon are wounded warriors coming home from some war they fight every day. We only get them for a handful of hours, but it’s a BIG DEAL. We have been making arrangements for this handful of hours for a month, at least. I haven’t recorded all the details of the planning, because some of them are too personal (ie biological) to share. But here and there, I’ve been transferring Vernon from chair to bed by myself, watching tutorials on how to attach a wheelchair to a van, getting doctor’s and nurse’s approval, making sure the kids are prepared, asking my parent’s for endless favors, finding the van to rent for the day. And that’s just on my end. I think Joe and Vernon are looking forward to their outing more than everyone else. I wasn’t even sure we would make it to tomorrow, what with Vernon’s up and down reactions to surgeries over the past month. There has been a lot of planning and hoping to get us to tomorrow, and now we are almost there!
I sat down this afternoon, in the middle of tidying my house (at long last) and realized I’d been feeling strung-out all day. I guess that’s how I deal with things that scare me. I don’t have the energy to spend a week or two being afraid of things, so I just commit my calendar and then deal with the fear the day before or the morning of. It can come on in a surprising intensity if do it that way: waiting till the last minute to realize what you’ve got yourself into. (I give myself 24 hours to work it out, if I have to. But at least, this way, I’m too far in to change my mind no matter how nervous I get.)
I’m not really afraid of how the day itself will go. It’s just the fact that tomorrow will be the first time that I’m in charge of Vernon’s safety (and Joe’s as well) since the journey began. This is an even bigger deal than prepping a turkey from scratch, I think. And it’s another thing I’ve never done. I imagine Joe and Vernon rolling around on their chairs in the back of the van all the way down PCH, falling left or right depending on the lane I change into.I told Vernon earlier today to promise that no matter what, he wouldn’t let me kill him accidentally. I promised me he wouldn’t.
So here we are. A year and a half in…and Vernon’s coming home tomorrow (for the day.) It will be the first time in a year and a half. Suddenly a year and a half seems doable. Maybe we can do another year and a half if we have to. Maybe when the two year mark comes, we will know we can do another two if we have to. And then on, and then on, and then on…
So this Thanksgiving means more than just being thankful for what we have. It’s a marker for getting through this last long season. Maybe we will celebrate again next year together and laugh at how naive we were then. But we will celebrate, regardless, somehow. Thanksgiving is a beautiful tradition because as far as I know, the country has collectively been celebrating it every year since that first historic meal 394 years ago. And in my memory of the story, it was a bunch of survivors saying: “Thank God we made it through the hard year and we are still standing, if barely. Here’s to making it through another! No matter what, we’re in it together. Let’s celebrate.”
It just so happens I have been going through the photo library on this very blog site, hoping to update the cover page with some pictures of Vernon’s recovery year-and-a-half-so-far. In the spirit of gratitude and remembrance, I’ll post some of my favorites here before deciding which ones I like best.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I am grateful for your friendship and support beyond words. Enjoy your families and/or memories. Most of us are still standing, after all. I send extra love to those who are missing their loved ones at this time. I’m still thankful for you, and I’m glad you are with us.
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Some old ones I found of Vernon and the kids—pre-accident, obviously.
Mission Hospital
Kindred Rehab Hospital, Brea
Newport Subacute
Some of the many hospitals between….
Mesa Verde
I wish I could say it was a straightforward journey. But then Vernon has always been a lateral thinking guy…guess his family is now, too.
Regardless, we are thankful. Look how far he has come!
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Allison,
You have made it thus far so I have no doubt that you will make it on if it is 1 yr. or maybe more you have the stuff that makes Vern and your delightful children love you a lot. David, my youngest, had your Aunt Sue for an English teacher at Whittier Christian and I still follow her blog. David and his girl friend used to go up to Sue’s because she had such an open house. Now my son is living back here and he brought his CA born wife and she just loves TN. A very happy Thanksgiving to you and your family and Joe too. But I imagine he feels like one of the family by now. God be with you as you go.
Hugs,
Becky Jones
WELL .. needed a box of tissues for this post ..but my gosh how far VERN has come..HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY XX wish we could be with you all..please take plenty of photos..and film … did you get the skype set up (guess that is one too many things to sort) maybe i could phone you all???
XX HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL XX millions of hugs and kisses xoxoxox
In and Out..In and Out.. that’s what this last year and a half has been all about…singing the song from In & Out burger obviously. Love that last pic so much. Looks like 3 kids enjoying their shakes. and tomorrow he gets OUT! Well, even for a day– other than to go to dialysis or back to a hospital– Oh Yeah!!!
So so very blessed to know you and love you and your precious family for so long now. I wish I could put into words all you’ve taught me thru this journey you’re on.
What an inspiration and breath of fresh air your words are to so many of us who aren’t as successful in the transparent arena yet.
Love and gratitude for you my sweet Ali, M
“She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah!”
Happy Thanksgivng to you and your family! May God richly bless you this day for all your heart desires. Psalm 37:4-9
wow. so glad you have documented this journey so beautifully for all of us that love you and are rooting for you. wishes and prayers for success and peace heading your way today. love you adams!
Awesome to see this sequence of pictures
What a beautiful read for Thanksgiving Day. I enjoy being with u in the Spirit everyday reading your thoughts of the heart. The pictures r awesome, so much love n happiness in hard circumstances. Have a wonderful day today with Jesus in your heart n at your side with the power of His Holy Spirit. You r blessed n cherished. Love n Hugs to you n all your loved ones.
wow!!!!! AT A Loss for words looking at these pictures……..I love them all!!! & the expressions with each of you as you cuddle with Vernon!!!! oh such love…..
Just wanted remind you, Allison, that it’s not only women who are being touched by the Chronicles of Vernia (tho they certainly are faithful to send/bring their support). This Texan is slow to write and not geographically near enough to do much more than pray. Unlike Vanessa, I used up all my tears on the previous edition with Glen Campbell’s beautiful/sad song providing the trigger. Watched my Mom slowly fade away via Alzheimer’s. So glad Vern’s path is on the upslope! Very much looking forward to reading about the home visit and how Joe fitted into that event. He is so obviously a gift!
so grateful Vernon made it home for the holidays. next year, San Luis?? God knows and cares and loves and strengthens. But then, you know that, dear Allison.
Unfortunately, most people consider “Thanksgiving” a day. One day, then move on to the next day. Especially some who have a loved one in a care facility. My Mom was in a facility for a couple of months before coming home. I appreciate people like you who are committed to not just checking in on Vernon, but the extra work you put in (behind the scenes), and your family and friends who are helping you and Vernon, if only by stopping in to talk and spend time with him. You are not only his wife, but his advocate I couldn’t not go to check on my Mom at least twice a day. It was a bonus when her friends would stop in to see her. I realized how much she enjoyed seeing me when I showed up, regardless of how long I stayed with her. It was probably the same when others came in to see her. So many of the other residents either had no family or friends who would stop in to see them, or did have family or friends, but they were too busy to stop in to see them. Although there was a lot of planning and work involved with taking Vernon and Joe to your parents’ house for Thanksgiving Day. I’m sure it made quite an impact on them to get out and be in different surroundings. The ride there, the people. A(nother) new experience. This can only help. Christmas is less than a month away!!
The sequence of these photos is very moving. I thought of you yesterday- wondering how you would let the tender moments happen with the hustle and bustle of the holiday feast. You are blessed with such a wonderful family. I’m so curious about Joe- what he thought of all of this. I’ve been to your parents house, and in that space one is surrounded by personal expressions of beauty. Going from the sterile walls of the rehab center to this beautiful, loving place, I can only imagine it would stir up emotions, questions, etc. Anyway- I am so proud of you, Vernon, Justine and Maki for getting here together. The pieces make up a beautiful and unique whole. Love you.
Somehow, I missed this blog post of yours when you wrote it. After reading your dad’s recent blog post about Vernon and his typography legacy, I did a little back reading, on both your dad’s and your blogs. All the photos in this post, even more so than your writing this time, have left me in a puddle of tears (again). I feel so sad for you to have had to let Vernon go. I often think, had I been in your shoes, I would not have had anywhere close to the amount of strength and grace that you’ve shown over the last two and half years. You are one of a kind, Allison. xo