I admit I am a little discouraged today as the progress is still so slow, the storming continues, and there are rumors that it will soon be time to move Vernon to a long term care facility that can accept patients still on ventilators. (His progress on oxygen alone has taken another step back and he is fully on the vent again.) I understand that it is its for his own good that he would move elsewhere, where his intensive care can continue and where they can also provide more physical therapy. But there are no sub-acute care facilities near our home, and driving an extra two hours a day for an indefinite period of time does not appeal to me. I have gotten comfortable where we are. Maybe this is a bit of Stockholm Syndrome in that I’ve fallen in love with my captors and don’t want to leave. Big sigh.
Every change comes like this to me, though…I have to accept it, but I still like to fight a little first! I realize how selfish this probably sounds to the reader. Ultimately it is not about me…its about Vernon. He is the one who has been fighting for his life, not me. And he will be put where he must go in order to heal back into the man we love. Every step of the path has been like this so far. At every new turn, we find we can handle more than we thought we could. And always there is some new beautiful relationship, discovery, miracle to be found. I expect this will be true for Vernon, as he continues to awaken into his hugely-changed circumstances.
The writer Ann Voskamp says, “Thanksgiving proceeds the miracle.” Wise woman. So instead of fretting about this anymore, I will focus on some of the gifts I’m grateful for today..
So many friends have surprised us with wonderful gestures. Our rent has been paid for two months straight by people I don’t even know. And I know many generous donations have been made even on this site. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone. I don’t know where we would be without you.
But even in Vernon’s hospital room, small gifts keep appearing.
This morning I found a couple of posters stuck on the wall…the first made with one of Vernon’s more popular fonts, Pacifico.
Thanks, Eric. It is a GOOD DAY.
I also discovered the most wonderful quilted square (was that yours, Lindsay?) taped among Justine’s latest offerings. (Justine wrote her name for the first time the other day, by the way! I’m sneaking some parent-boasting in here too. Well, not so sneakily.)
The most amazing mosaic by Kristy Lizzotte. She takes orders, by the way. AMAZING. And Vernon will be so touched when he discovers this was a gift, as he had wanted one of these before the accident.
Pure heart written in gold on a soccer ball from his Saturday League.
Two letters from Jenni Ahonen’s super-original “Alphabet For Healing” made for Vernon and sent all the way from Finland. Jenni was an classmate of Vernon’s in their Masters Program of Typography.
And last but not least, a personal concert today from the wonderful Gary Rea. I noticed the nurses didn’t close the sliding doors completely…I think they got a lot of out this gift too. Afterwards, his nurse said she hadn’t seen Vernon as relaxed all day as he was after the music.
‘Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.’ Mother Theresa
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Allison there is not ONE PART of you that is selfish….Praying for the best possible care for your precious husband, for you and your children….I LOVE the way you process through…and come out Thanking God for the Miracles in the day…God take your precious daughter and lead her into this next stage/season/and heal up Vernon Lord-we are asking for and expecting Miracles…….Hang in there girl…!! Love and Blessings…and Much Prayer!!! Ephesians 3:20….Remembering Who we are petitioning to….I Thank God for YOU!!!
You’d be surprised. I often say that only getting children in my life in my late 30s means there is a lot of independent living to be unlearned. 🙂 But being older also makes me see the honor in taking care of others, in a way that I might not have used to. I watched my parents look after my grandparents until they died recently (they were in their mid nineties!) Vernon is not going to die, he will survive and have stories to tell, I’m sure. But I mean that I’m not used to being at this level of caring for others, though I have often seen that as an honorable thing in others. I am getting a crash course in attitude change. I like it!
<3
Allison, this is about you, as you are a part of Vernon. Your strength is his strength, and his healing is your healing. May the Lord prepare the way and give you favor. God bless you and yours.
Its’ like I am back in time listening to my sister and she’s apologizing for sounding so put out by it all but it’s not that, she’s just tired, she’s running on fumes. Two years later she is still tired. She too was content with her ICU unit and the nurses who she knew so well. But with every difficult decision and forced change was a silver lining and I mean EVERY time, we would talk about the progress that happened as a result of being moved to a different floor, an unplanned surgery, an unexpected infection, forcibly discharged to rehabilitation center 20 miles further from the 20 miles already north of their SC home (they commuted daily to LB from SC for two months) even coming home, it was scary as hell for her but her daughter immediately responded to the familiarity and with a TBI and no ability to communicate, the only way to know was to look for cues. Her spasticity lessened and she slept better at home. I bet that will happen for Vernon too. I know that is further down the road, but you will get there. This Sunday marks our 2yr anniversary of that day. We still see signs of hope in the least expected ways and usually when we are feeling at our least best about the situation, we are all here for a reason and if I can connect you personally with my sister I would be happy to do that. Continued prayers for Vernon and the doctors who care for him. I am always excited to hear that he can squeeze your hand!! That kind of coordination is a great sign, HOLD ON TO THAT! Let go. Let God.
thanks for that insight Lindsey. Well one silver lining is we will be closer to Tustin, where you are right?…either Santa Ana or Westminster. Want to get lunch sometime?
and Happy Anniversary, by the way!!!!! to all of you.
A beautiful concert of images, well-wishes, prayers, artistry and love, cheering Vernon on to recovery. Sweetness.
tears reading this. continued prayers allison on the next steps…
Beautiful acts of kindness and love… Thank you for sharing them with us.
Of course moving from where you have found comfort and hope to somewhere else is hard. And of course you want the best for your dear husband. You are not selfish! Praying for more unexpected blessings and advancements in Vernon’s healing. And for your peace and provision love you both bunches -Justine and Maki too!!! Kirsten xoxo
I am reading the blog and telling Maki about whats happening. He seems to need a little break from reading everything, and maybe you need to give yourself a break on a regular basis, Allison. And even a blog free day a week or two? You are lucky to have friends you can trust to visit, and might need to give yourself at least one day a week to rest and stay home, especially when you have to drive further. When Vernon gets to a place where rehabilitation is focus there will be some amazing people who work with him. Make yourself a week program you can live with! I know its totally different, but when my dad had a stroke and went to a rehabilitation-hospital I spent so much time visiting him, and I was so upset, but I wish someone had told me he was fine there. He had to relearn everything, and I couldnt do it for him. But you know how you feel, and you will know whats right for you. Thinking of you. So Nice to talk the other day and to see your faces. Lots of love.
Its been years since we have even seen each other or even spoken(not sure if you would even remember me!) but know I am praying for you and your man and family all the way across the world – so even when you’re sleeping you’re being lifted up in prayer. Thinking of you so very often.
“Trust allows the detours of adversity to become the highways of destiny”
Lisa x
Allison you amaze me with your vulnerability and with your honesty and your strength. We are praying every day, all day and are with you every step of the way. This blog is the first thing I look for when I wake and when I lie down. Phil and I are in for the long haul. Be encouraged as I know that I know that God has a plan and His plan is perfect. We love you and Vernon and will keep seeking God’s face for His amazing healing for you all.
Allison, you don’t know me, but we have several mutual friends. I wanted to encourage you not to feel that you are ever being selfish. Yes,this is about Vernon healing, but is also about you and your children. You are a family,so the accident affected all of you. You need to be careful not to get too worn out. You are his advocate and anchor. He needs you healthy; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I speak from experience. I praise God for His many blessing ‘ s on you and your family. God is good. I’m praying for your strength and wisdom. Julie
<3 ……….because words cannot express my emotions as I read this……much love, my friend.
Allison,
This is heartbreakingly beautiful. Your sweet transparency and the outpouring of deep love for you, Vernon and your family are teaching us all. We continue to pray for this situation and your blogs help with that. My heart is with you always ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yes that square I made is called the Liberated Star block. The process was formed by not following directions, you know turning a lemon into lemonade (my favorite drink). Allison you have been a huge inspiration and encouragement to me in my artistic growth. I’m sure in an indirect way Vernon was a part of this too as I see you two spur each other on in your own talents. Each time I sit down to sew I think of you and Vernon. I worship and pray and well, love. Your words freed me from thinking it selfish to take so much time creating. You affirmed me in that it’s worship. I wanted to share this with Vernon. As you love and care for your husband it too is worship for the Creator. Eucaristeo.
it’s so beautiful to read all the love and faith from friends
as well as your own ali…more love and prayers
Beautiful! Vernon, You, your family & what the Lord is doing in this situation through His people, and with HIS POWER, LOVE & HEALING!
Much LOVE, HOPE, & PRAYERS