Over a week ago, a dead grey whale washed ashore at Trestles, one of the main surf beaches in town. The problem was how to get rid of a creature with a literal dead weight of 60,000 pounds. The tide wasn’t strong or high enough to move it back into the ocean, and of course, the baking sun wasn’t helping the decomposition…at least for the passing public, who seemed as amazed by the stench as the spectacle.
I thought about this problem every day. I don’t know why this caught my imagination so, but I guess I’ve been living with my own problem that seems as strange and large as that whale. I kept checking articles, asking around: what are they going to do about the poor thing? At one point, I read that it was 90% liquid under it’s skin and blubber, so though they had decided to cut it up and remove it to a separate waste facility (the sand too rocky to properly bury it, and the whale too toxic to throw it out to sea—or perhaps they did not want to invite more sharks than already might be interested.)
90% liquid. Gross. But that thought grabbed my mind more than anything else.
When I’m not feeling so tough, distracted by projects and busy-ness—and sometimes when I am— I feel like that. Held together with bones and skin, in all its fluctuating thickness, there are rows of days that if I hear the wrong/right song, remember the right/wrong memory, get into guilt over how much time I’m spending with Vernon/Maki/Justine/myself, driven too many miles back and forth without enough breath between, I might slosh into liquid too…and would that be the end of me? Perhaps there’s a reason, they call it “blubbering.”
.
There are many other things to write about. Expect more posts soon, but for now…I had to get this off my chest. I haven’t felt inspired to write, but I have felt the need to. So this is discipline and a way of creating space in my liquid brain.
“It is not down on any map; true places never are.”
― Herman Melville, Moby Dick
48
Feeling your sadness today and it reminds me of a favorite songs:
Life is hard, the world is cold
We’re barely young and then we’re old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good.
Jesus never said
It was an easy road to travel
He only said that you would never be alone
So when your last thread of hope
Begins to come unraveled
Don’t give up, He walks beside you
On this journey home and He knows
That Life is hard but God is good.
Praying for God’s goodness to show forth for you today.
And where there was only one set of footprints that is when I carried you.🙏
Such amazing connections you make. Your mind is a gift to us all. Here is another quote for you that I have been reflecting on lately: “When you are in the middle of a story it isn’t a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood; like a house in a whirlwind, or else a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard powerless to stop it. It’s only afterwards that it becomes anything like a story at all. When you are telling it, to yourself or to someone else.” -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace
That’s such a great quote, Acacia. I love Margaret Atwood! Will have to ponder that one
more.
Feeling very much for you, this is a lot for one person to carry…anyone would have times when it gets to be all too much. You’re doing a stellar job living with this situation, even though it must be one of the toughest things in the world to deal with. Praying for you…may you be blessed in every way. xo
Allison,
You are doing a good job at this point in time. We sit back and wait for your words to come to us and they are always good. God is with you and He will hold you in His loving arms. I know at times it doesn’t feel like it but He is always with you.
Have a good day.
Becky
Allison you give feelings strong voices.
Quotes and songs your friends are leaving you today. I thought of this one.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0IzqoMYa6M
Your tenacity is a gift. Not many folks have such a strong grip. I think it came from your upbringing, and somewhere deep inside of you. Where ever it flows from, Vernon is a very blessed man, even when he doesn’t know it.
We love you~
Chris & Susan and all assorted Logies
gosh Allison what a wonderful read ..you have described these feelings so well ..and the photos tell a thousand words……
xx love to you all .. a special big hug for you today xx