I haven’t taken the children up on their usual weekend visit for awhile—partly because I’ve spent the last couple of Saturdays at dialysis instead. Also, I knew that the fact Vernon hadn’t been improving was getting hard for Maki to see week after week, so I let him take a little time off. I know its good for Vernon to have the kids around, and for the kids to be near their dad, but a little space seemed necessary. I don’t know…perhaps I was projecting my own feelings of battle-fatigue…but it felt like I was protecting them from disappointment.
It had been a couple of days since I’d visited myself, and I didn’t know what to expect. I never do. But it was high time to bring the kids, no matter what.
He was sitting in the hallway by the nurse’s station. On seeing us, he waved hello, smiled, and took Justine’s little arm and covered it with kisses. We were off to a good start!
He loved seeing Justine, but the one he really wanted to be with today was Maki. It was as if he started to recognize how much Maki had grown and how long it had been since they last spent time together. (Even an inkling of this would be a mental shift forward.) I don’t think he remembered the last time Maki played for him, but when we mentioned he’d brought his guitar with him, Vernon kept asking him to play.
At this point, Vernon began to focus completely on the music. He looked relaxed and happy. He even bobbed his head a little to the strumming. As they shared their connection, Justine would get jealous and try to interrupt. Vernon would snap at her and feelings were hurt. I realized Vernon just needed that time to be with his son so I took her out of the room to find someone to visit or a butterfly to chase.
When we returned, the guys were looking up music online. Vernon was trying to find some non-existent singer’s name (the name was made up, but it may just be the wrong name for a singer he does remember—words get in the way sometimes.)
We were gone for awhile, so I don’t know all that went on between them. But I think it was good that they had the space. Especially for Maki. I know its not easy for him to be the entertainer. He doesn’t like to be put on the spot. But this is his Dad. They will have to find a new relationship as Vernon recovers. Maybe its better for them if no one else is in the way as they figure it out.
When Maki was ready to go, he left the room and waited for us in the car. This is when Justine was finally able to get her dad’s attention. Forgiveness was given as well as kisses.
We didn’t leave till everyone’s heart was a little more mended.
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Such a lovely post. I was moved to tears again. It’s a fine balance to be there enough and to get some time away. You are doing so well trusting your instinct with the children. Lots of love to you all.
Seems like your using the stars to navigate these waters unknown. Sending you all many more wonder full moments and plain sailing xoxox
Ditto to Synnove. Lovely post!
You are a sensitive, compassionate, understanding women and mother aware beyond natural understanding…Your Children and Husband are Blessed to have you….You move in the LOVE of a supernatural force…Praying for you and Vernon and your kids…as ever……
You showed great wisdom and sensitivity in recognizing the need for each child to have some alone time in order to just be and to connect with their Dad. I also think there is wisdom in granting a little space between visits and releasing Maki, in particular, from any unspoken or perceived expectations of others or even of himself. Leaving with everyone’s “hearts a little more mended” was perfect. I don’t read a single blog entry without being amazed at the incredibly strong, godly, wise, compassionate, transparent and insightful woman you are. May God continue to empower and encourage you moment by moment in this journey.
You showed great wisdom and sensitivity in recognizing the need for each child to have some alone time in order to just be and to connect with their Dad. I also think there is wisdom in granting a little space between visits and releasing Maki, in particular, from any unspoken or perceived expectations of others or even of himself. Leaving with everyone’s “hearts a little more mended” was perfect. I don’t read a single blog entry without being amazed at the incredibly strong, godly, wise, compassionate, transparent and insightful woman you are.
Loved your blog today Allison. You are charting unknown waters and as far as we can tell you are doing a fine job. Listening and understanding what God has spoken to your heart is so important. We loved the pictures too! We continue to pray for the whole family as you go on this journey together. A quote from Graham Cooke says “WE are only challenged by God’s goodness!” Love is your anchor and your rudder!
Just precious… All of it… Thank you Lord for those kisses and music.
I’m praying for more loving connections xoxo
Praying for you as you face each day with such tenacity and trust beyond your own abilities. What a precious light you are in a dark place…..of course, you see the light dissipating, and do not recognize how much of the light the Lord is sending you and through you.
(Loved the picture of Justine that your dad had on his blog recently…..I recognized her before I read what he was saying…thanks to your wonderful photography.)
Allison,
You are so neat with the way you handle the lives of your children and their hearts as you make this into a great adventure. You are so good with the children. Several of the ladies ask about you and Vern and the children. Prayers are still coming your way. God be with you and the rest of the family. For some reason God is allowing this to happen to Vern and his family and one of these days we will found out why but until then we will continue to pray for you.
Hugs,
Becky
Moved to tears also with this beautiful post, all the stuff of your life together. Thank you for giving us a window into your journey with Vernon, Maki & Justine. Praying that you will find a place to be renewed and refreshed in your day.