I haven’t known what to write lately. I am encouraged by all the latest improvements, but honestly, they only leave me wanting MORE.
Just as it has been all along, one breakthrough does not mean the next day will be full of more breakthroughs. He gets worn out easily still.
I keep the hope, because it keeps us going. And it does pay off. But truthfully, today…. my heart is weary, and we are nowhere near close to the finish line…in fact, I have no idea what mile we are on. There is no map…apparently, we are writing the map as we make the journey.
I miss him. The children do too. We are holding up, and we know he is getting better, but we miss him being with us. I’m feeling sad. I can’t dwell in that feeling long but lately its been growing. Its not like the times we have been apart before where we can at least send emails and phone-calls. This is a long time apart. I am speaking for the children here too, but we all feel it. We distract ourselves and we do our daily lives, and there has been a lot to fulfill us. Still, it is there.
It will get better. We have not lost him. We know it could be worse. He will come home. But we are sad. We still miss our daddy/Vernon.
I look forward to school starting. Having a more normal routine. I look forward to Vernon moving to a rehab facility and getting the use of his body and speech back. I look forward to Maki and Justine being together, for Maki and his dad to share some time. I look forward to getting on with our autumn lives.
It’s been a long summer.
This is one of a series of photos that my sister in law, Nicole Moore, took of the family 18 months ago. For more of this series, click here.
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I feel what you are saying friend. There is no manual, the course isn’t defined…a threshold is being tested. Sending big big love.
Oh, dear, I feel your emotional fatigue and wish and pray for your strength and courage as you continue this journey that has no map. Maybe as summer becomes fall, a new routine will establish itself and there will be some comfort there. We continue to lift all of you up in prayer. Hugs!
It’s been a really long summer…..and I can imagine all those feelings you are having…..tiredness, sadness, total fatigue, being mom & dad all at the same time in this season………Seeing this picture & others you’ve posted shows me the closeness & intimacy of having dad/husband at home with you all……having fun….laughing, etc.
…Praying for you dear lady and for your family. blessings to you <3
Dear Allison,
I know it gets old not having him with all the time. Allisonm all I can say is that God is there with you and Vernon and HE will walk you and Vernon and the family down this long path that He has chosen for your family to walk. God is in control of everything. I can see how you get tired of going to the hospital and not much of a recovery day by day. Trust that God can take care of him and the family.
Love and prayers,
Becky
We miss him too.
Maki feels the same things, maybe its different, maybe the same. Its good for us to know that you are looking Ahead to the Autumn. Its a good idea I think to look Ahead quite a bit. My mum said something..(Your and her situation is simular in some ways, but very different too.)that People who are hurt so much use so much energy to get better, it totally drains them and you have to make sure you dont get worn out. Its going to be like this for a while as you say, so I say: Take a break from it. Maybe stay away on days when you know someone else is there, and maybe you even need to have a weekend to yourself somewhere, even before the Autumn sets in With all the routines. Charge Your batteries. Think about it at least…Lots of love
I miss him too. I am so sorry this is taking such a long time. You have been very brave and courageous. Hugs.
Oh Alison — what an unexpected trial to meet up with in your lives. Times like these bring out that other stuff that we learned and heard about the Lord earlier on in our journeys, doesn’t it?
I feel a little bit of your tiredness and longness of travel when I read your thoughts and recall how similarly I felt while caring for my mother for 5 long years (Alzheimer’s)…. Missing them. Caring for them. Missing who they really are, as it is hidden within and we are the ones to remember for them who they really are, and to carry them as our honor and privilege and duty because it is what has been handed to us by our Heavenly Father …. for whatever reason. We don’t know, can’t know, but it is what is before us. I send you heartfelt hugs and pray for you. You have dear, dear people surrounding you all. Lean on them and let the Lord show His sweetness to you all in new ways.
In Him,
Claire from PNG days
My dear friend Alli, I read every single post of yours… Although I have not yet left feedback, know that I’ve been feeling and crying with you!
My sweetie, God has a thousand ways to answer all our prayers. His ways are not our ways, but believe me, He KNOWS what he’s doing!
We don’t know the reason behind this tragedy in your lives.
Is there ‘something’ specific God wants to do in your lives…
Our only assurance is that He knows!
We can only see the puzzle pieces, of our lives, that’s lying around us, but He sees ALL the pieces!
Oh, what peace of mind is that, just knowing that your Heavenly Father knows the plans He has for your lives!
Alli, I’m asking you, from the bottom of my heart, to hand over the puzzle pieces of your lives to Him. He, who has every single little piece in His hand, who is thee ONLY one that can see pieces which we think might be lost yet those pieces are just lying out of your sight.
He wants to carry this burden for you if only you would give it ALL to Him.
Alli, we are only travellers on this earth for a bigger and brighter future, which He has the map of. Yes, day by day we are living this map but the assurance that we have is that our Guide sees the final destination.
The ASSURANCE we have in Him is immense!!
Please know that you are in my mind and in my prayers every single day.
Miss you much!
Love and hugs from deep within xx
Allison , i understand , i feel your pain, i miss him too, this is a different miss ~ than him being away,
i understand ,i cannot talk to him … send emails .. exchanging funny “things” on facebook, not the same feeling,as before, of not being near him…….knowing he is living the life he was dreaming of with you and the children.
“It will get better. We have not lost him. We know it could be worse. He will come home. But we are sad. We still miss our daddy/Vernon” …..we miss you brother/uncle
as summer ends …. autumn begins… step by step, day by day, tears and laughter, mile by mile, not the journey we all thought we would be travelling, i`m holding you hand across the pond xx love you , you will have bad days, sad days, tired days, happy days, break throughdays ..part of the journey, ..i understand … i feel it too,Alli you are wonderful and doing just amazing xx
Stand strong beautiful friend.The mountain is high but we are here to catch you if you fall xxx
I am praying lots for Vernon’s recovey and your continued perserverance. May today be one of the days where you are encouraged and your hope is renewed.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot- your presence was missed last week (in Dallas) in a big way. Those who know and love you are aware of your reality these days and we’re all hoping for continued improvements right along with you.
I agree with Synnøve- very wise words.
Allison,
Just a note from one of the ladies that I am on prayer chain with:
Becky, Allison expresses herself so beautifully. Thank you for sharing her journaling with us. Not only does it tell us how Vernon is doing, but it gives us some insight into the character of a very strong woman.
Naturally, continued prayers for them.
.
If you haven’t already, have a good, strong, deep cry. Let it out. Let it go. It’s exhausting being “up” and “strong” ALL the time. Then when you are done, go to Vernon’s room, shut the door, put a “Do not disturb” sign on the door, and crawl in his bed and snuggle with him. It won’t hurt him. I snuggled with my grandpa in his hospital bed when he had a stroke and couldn’t talk. It was my last time and I cherish it! And Yes, I did this in my 40s and he was 90. 🙂 Love and Light to you Sweetness!
i so feel for you all. i hope the sadness will subside somewhat as his progress moves ahead at a faster pace during his time in rehab, hopefully that will start soon. i hope that missing him will also subside as rehab returns him to the husband/friend/father he once was. reach for that strength within you and the loving support around you – it’s there! continued hugs and prayers…
Allison,
When you were just a baby, I prayed for you and your parents, and LOVED your Grandpa & Grandma Moore. Although I have never been able to be with you, you are again in my prayers daily…..and yes, I do think just getting away from it all for a few days would be so re-energizing to you…..no guilt necessary! I’m sure you know we are not teflon coated, although the Lord DOES give us a peace that we don’t know how to verbalize. How often have I tried to be “God’s Superwoman” and worn myself to a frazzle…..sometimes just admitting I need a “break” has been so refreshing to my mind and soul (and body!). We send out a monthly letter (as retired missionaries) and our prayer partners are in this with you….even asking about Vernon’s condition!!! So many are praying….and it does seem God loves to surprise us with His great answers. I just prayed especially that God would do just that…and get all the Glory!
Love you sweet sister.
Oh, Allison, I continue to pray over your husband and his recovery and for your strength as you and your family endure such hardship. I am thankful for some good news here…. I feel your mental and spiritural weariness too. The Lord is always faithful and nothing is a surprise to Him. Trusting and praying………… continually. Prayers, Lisa Hoyt (Friend of your Dad and Mom’s)
Tears… Hugs and love to all of you.
I can find no words to add to what has already been expressed in the above posts. Allow yourself this valid sadness…but guard your heart so your spirit does not become broken….it is what the enemy would hope for…I am praying for your joy of, and in, Christ to be continually overflowing – to be sustaining and strengthening you. There is so much more in all of this…there is unimaginable goodness ahead…”My soul weeps because of grief; strengthen me according to Thy word”.
I feel your family’s longing, Allison. Long distance hugs for you! Stay strong!