This is the last week that the family who hit Vernon has to legally respond to our letters ( delivered three weeks ago, at long last). They still haven’t. And though I know I told myself many times I didn’t expect anything (and believed it at the time)…yesterday, I recognized an anger inside. I’ve waited a long time, taking as high a road as I know to take, and being this close to the end of this part of the saga, the feelings are definitely ready for an outlet. I could barely focus on my drawing class last night, distracted by this trapped energy of sorts. I can see how people displace latent anger very easily. It’s hard to forgive when people don’t give you space to. (I thought forgiveness would be easier…I think it IS easier when people admit their error and responsibility.)
Today, however, someone took Vernon’s session at dialysis off my hands. (Thank you Sharon!) And Justine and I spend the day together, just doing things like shopping for clothes she can fit into (she’s growing so fast) and then swimming in a friends pool together. Justine is a little fish this summer, swimming in the deep end as well as the shallow. It’s so fun to enjoy it together without her clinging on like years past. I can feel the wonderful difference the water made to my body and peace of mind. And tonight I feel more able to take the high road for a few more days. H20 therapy is GOOD! I’ve been in the pool more this summer than usual and I’d say its a revelation! Water is one of God’s greatest gifts. Use it if you got it! It’s remarkable how much better I feel after submerging and swimming…and playing with my daughter.
PS I believe in strongly in the power of forgiveness. I want it to be a major theme in my life. I also believe forgiveness is a journey you move toward. It doesn’t always happen overnight, even for people of faith, like myself. For me…I move toward it, but understand it may never be a finished thing. I hope it will be though…that hope keeps me going toward it.
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Yes Allison we are pool people so we totally get what you are saying. So happy you took a day off in the water to be with Justine….she really is a fish!!! And when you are swimming and laughing and splashing around it is therapy for the soul! Thank God for water! Love you lots and praying as always. Forgiveness does not come naturally it truly is a gift from God and alls He asks is that we be open to it.
Thank you Nancy. I am open to it. Thank you for your words. Love you! Thanks for taking Justine swimming so much this summer too! Maybe next week she’ll be up for it again?
Just keep swimming.
Forgiveness is freedom.
“Forgiveness is holiness; by forgiveness the universe is held together. Forgiveness is the might of the mighty; forgiveness is sacrifice; forgiveness is quiet of mind. Forgiveness and gentleness are the qualities of the Self-possessed. They represent eternal virtue.” – SRF
A note to fellow sitters, I love Vernon’s new Dialysis digs that I got to try out today in Newport! The staff welcomed me as though I was a visitor in their home. His new nephrologist was quite professional and very kind to Vernon. I chose to take the longer PCH trip there and back which so beautiful and relaxing. And I had even planned to stop for a Shack Shake treat on the way home,but the place was packed out so I’ll save that for next time. Also Vernon did amazingly well despite the extra half hour session during which stime I read a shortened version of Moby Dick.I hope others find this to be a pleasant change as much as I did.
I”m so encouraged by your messages today. Thank you…I didn’t mention it here, but that is a big uplift for me this week too! I’ll be there tomorrow…may even take the scenic drive for the fun of it.
Allison,
Good for you to take a day to go swimming with Justine. Took 1 of pix of Vernon and Justine and sent it to a close friend here that attends our Bible study and she said it was good and Vernon sure look good after all he has been through. Also put the same pix on the ladies group that I belong to.
I have not figured out how to forgive this guy who raped and murdered our granddaughter. I have believed in God for many years and I am still praying about this boy.
Love and hugs,
Becky
Wow, Becky…that certainly gives me some perspective. How to forgive someone who acted with such evil in his heart? I can’t even imagine. In our case, the people didn’t mean to hurt Vernon or take him away from us…I just don’t like that they can pretend it didn’t happen when it affected us so drastically. We don’t get to pick the bad things that happen to ourselves or our loved ones, but we do get to work out how to live with the aftermath…and some of that is our feelings about those who brought so much pain into our families. Be blessed, Becky. I’m so sorry for that pain in your life.
Dear Allison ..so pleased you and Justine got some fun time together ..so important you have fun together xx
FORGIVENESS ..so very hard ..i really cannot understand how a human being can cause such devastation (not intentionally) .and not want to reach out and at least say …SORRY xx i really cannot understand ..i wish i could see this person face to face .. i could say so much to them..the pain they have caused us all..how it has changed our lives ..how we can live with out Vern in our life??? how Vern`s hopes and dreams for his life have been shattered and taken away from him , you ,Justine , Maki.. and his parents , sister and my boys xx
“When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines upon you.”
― Jon Krakauer
xx love and hugs to you all xx