by Allison Moore | Aug 24, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Today was the first day in the past 91 days that I did not visit Vernon. (Sorry, Vern, if you are reading this later…I still love you, I promise!) It felt kind of strange taking a full day off, but with the new distance and school starting in a week, it also seems like its time to pace things a little differently. We will see how it goes. My parents went up instead, and I’d like to make sure that he has visitors on my off-days. If he doesn’t, I’ll be up there every day. I’ll be back again tomorrow.
Since I have nothing new to tell about Vernon today (except for the call from the hospital this morning that he had pulled his own feeding tube out! Go Vernon!) here is a romantic story about somebody else:
Last year, after nearly 27 years of marriage and four children, John and Tammy were on the edge of divorce, but when a surprise heart problem led to John’s hospitalization and several near death experiences, Tammy returned to her husband’s side and loved and prayed him back to life. Both of their hearts changed for each other, and each of them came to appreciate what they had nearly lost. It was a medical miracle that John survived to tell the tale. It was also amazing that their marriage not only survived, but grew stronger and sweeter because of the ordeal. They both say they appreciate life in all its aspects more than they did before as they have a second chance.
Last night, they renewed their vows in front of all their friends and family. I was honored to be asked to photograph the event.
Obviously their beautiful story touched a chord with me. More than ever do I love hearing stories of overcoming the odds. Even if they are completely different situations than mine, I still feel uplifted and stronger for hearing them.
I wonder how things will be with Vernon and myself at the end of all this. I certainly have come to more appreciate the things about him that I miss. But I would love to think that eventually we will also be a stronger family for it. That even the hardest times will be something we will look back and be thankful for.
I have a feeling we will.
by Allison Moore | Aug 23, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
My dad used to say that my younger sister, Cambria, and I had so much in common: she is an accountant, and I am an artist. They both start with “A.” After that the similarities stop.
We may have been pretty different growing up, but one great benefit of having an amazing sister like mine is that the relationship has only become stronger over the years—as well as the appreciation for the other’s gifts and differences.
I know I have written a lot on this blog about the importance of art and music, and the general healing/coping powers of creativity. But whether I like it or not, they aren’t the only things that make the world go round. I admit it: I tend to avoid financial conversations, IRS forms give me anxiety attacks, and I am often uncomfortable marketing my work. Regardless, my family and I still need money (especially without our main breadwinner) and I need to start dealing with that reality.
Cambria flew down from Seattle this week with the intention of helping me out with Justine for a few days. Justine, of course, loved every minute of her aunt’s company. But Cambria helped me out even more by going through my piles of paperwork, organizing them in manageable files, going through my bank statements and bills and writing up a general budget for me. I thought I was a pretty frugal gal, but I guess living in Southern California is as expensive as everyone says. We have been getting by…I am so grateful for donations. (And a HUGE thank you to all of those readers who have given: they are giving us an amazing and unexpected cushion for several months, its been great not to have to worry.) But we can’t live on them forever. I also don’t know how long it will be before Vernon can go back to work (he was a free-lance designer and not a citizen, so un-eligible for disability benefits.)
And this is where dealing with the numbers with my sister has been such a great wake-up/grow-up call.
My genius sister, trying to figure out my financial system….oops, I know its a headache.
Nah, it’s all good!
I want my readers to know that this is NOT a call for more donations. It is an admittance that I need to get my head out of the hospital world and back to the household.
Actually, the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Vernon has been moved this weekend to the long-term/rehab hospital, where he can finally start working toward functioning in the world again. School starts for the kids in one week, so we will be getting on a proper daily and weekly routine anyway. So my sister’s visit, her willingness to organize my paperwork and guide my sights onto general spending goals has come at just the right time. I would love to be able to support the family through my photography, and not that this crazy summer is over, I will be able to focus on that more. I just wish I could plug myself in MATRIX-style and get a crash course in marketing and business downloaded into my arty-head. But it will come.
Now, as for Vernon today…
Cambria, Justine, and I all went to visit Vernon in Brea this morning. Justine was not allowed in as Vernon’s entire hall is an isolation ward. Boo for her. 🙁 Let’s pray again that he recovers quickly from the viruses so they can spend time together again. It is good to know that Maki is old enough to go into the room (he is over 12) when he returns from his summer in New Zealand next week.
While I was in the room, the most darling Occupational Therapist showed up to assess Vernon’s readiness to work.
She was a peach, a bit flirty with Vernon, saying he looks like a dead ringer for Peter Krauss. I had to agree, though I never thought of it before. Vernon took to her immediately, showing off all the work in his arms and hands that we have been doing together the past few weeks. I was so proud of him. She was pleased too, saying he will be ready to do occupational therapy every other day for a start. She said she could tell that had determination and when she asked if he was ready to work, he squeezed her hand hard and nodded his head. I should add that he also nodded his head when she said he was handsome and turned her “knees to butta.”
Here is a photo of Vernon holding up one of the pictures of Justine I showed him.
Not as much wall space here…a curtain separates him from his “roommate.” But we will be sure to get up as many pictures as we can. I was impressed that he was able to hold it up and look at it by himself.
Also…don’t you think blue gown suits him even better than green? I remain grateful and excited about the change.
by Jen | Aug 22, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
Hi Friends,
Jen here. Just taking a moment to tell you (on Allison’s behalf) that today was a good day. I journeyed with Allison from San Clemente on up to Vernon’s new space at Kindred Hospital in Brea. Yeah, it is about 30 minutes additional driving (beyond Mission Hospital), but the benefits of this new environment were readily clear to us.
We walked into the lovely facility and within minutes were greeted by many staff, including a social worker who had Vernon’s file in hand and was ready to answer Ali’s questions and offer resources of support. He exuded the respect and care that you would hope for in this setting. The physical therapist was equally kind and knowledgeable. The nurses were respectful, and made space for our concerns and questions, and joined us in hope. OK, well we just met, but that’s what I felt anyway. 🙂
Vernon was mostly-awake for a good portion of the time we were there. He seems like he’s getting in gear for the work that’s ahead of him. He was moving his legs, drawing one knee up toward his body. He was able to transfer a squishy ball gently from one hand to another. And when I tried to play a little video of a comedian for him, which I thought was funny…Allison asked him if he thought it was funny also, and there was what we saw as the nod of ‘no’. Oh well, I tried!
I’m so happy to know that in the right timing, the right spot became available for our friend. He’s lined up for the trio of physical, occupational and speech therapy Monday – Friday each week. How nice, they give him a break on the weekends! The photo below was taken while exploring the physical therapy area within the hospital. Looks like they are well equipped to do everything they can to get Vernon moving again. And that soccer ball is sure to trigger some great memories, right San Clemente Soccer Club?
September is nearly here, and Vernon’s not the only one starting a new routine. Allison will be getting prepared for the new school year with Maki and Justine, while making many trips to Brea to encourage her husband. I will be sure and post some new and practical ways that you can support Allison and family in the near future.
I’m blessed to be part of this community that loves this family so very much. Thanks for reading.
– Jen
by Allison Moore | Aug 21, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
Vernon’s accident happened 13 weeks ago. He spent exactly 8 weeks in the Surgical ICU and another 5 in the Progressive Stroke Unit. Tonight, Vernon has moved to the next level of care in his recovery to a sub acute center in Brea, about an hour drive away.
I’m not thrilled about the drive, but it sounds like a very nice facility, so I’m feeling positive. Maybe I can start listening to audio-books—yeah, I would actually LOVE to start catching up on my reading. The place I visited about a month ago just felt wrong for Vernon, and until today, that was the only place that seemed interested in taking his complicated case. And there will be dialysis ON SITE! (At the other center, he would have had to be driven by ambulance across town every other day.)
The news of his transfer came as a surprise about mid-day today, but the truth is, he is ready. I am ready. He is ready for more aggressive physical therapy in the midst of his nursing-needs, and I am ready to see him start progressing at a faster rate. I feel at peace about this. I don’t actually know he feels, but since I am the speaker for the both of us, I say WE are ready for change.
I have moved a lot in my life…I can’t count how many times. And Vernon has always been a pretty flexible and resiliant guy. So we can do this. Here we go again into the unknown…moving from strength to strength, even in weakness.
I was strangely excited when I heard the news today. The hardest part was taking down all the pictures and cards that have accumulated over the past 90 days. Here is a little visual journal of packing-up the walls. If you even have a loved one in the hospital for long, take my advice: DECORATE!
I am expecting that all the tape we used gets absorbed into the hospital bill. Insurance covers tape, right?
by Allison Moore | Aug 20, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
She had been kept from her dad long enough…it was time to bring Justine in on the waking action.
Did you catch the “I love you? Pretty loud and clear to me.
She’s watched the other videos and was ready to WORK. Watch out partner, there is a new therapist in town.
PS The infection doctor approved her visit, but recommended a big bath when she got home. Germs, be gone! He is still fighting infection, but his white cell count is good today and he is obviously regaining his strength and clarity. So THANKFUL!
by Allison Moore | Aug 20, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
A couple of months ago, in the midst of everything else going on here, my external hard-drive crashed. This is where I kept all the family photos from the past few years.
I know…I know…I should have had another backup, but I didn’t. It WAS my back-up in case the computer crashed. Lesson learned.
Fortunately, I had printed out many pictures over the years, but most of our photographic memories were in that box. Our years in England and then in California, the kids when they were younger, trips taken, mostly just random moments—being a photographer, I take a LOT of pictures. When it annoys my family, I just say: “One day, you’ll be glad to have the pictures!”
But to potentially lose all these in the midst of Vernon’s coma seemed an especially ironic blow.
The local computer repair store wasn’t able to retrieve anything, so they recommended me to a place in LA that would most likely be able to restore the data. It would be expensive and I’d have to send it off. This was about the time we were looking into long-term care centers for Vernon as far away as Downtown LA, so even the address hit a nerve with me.
Here was yet another parallel. Vernon’s brain, full of his own memories and emotions and general functions, had crashed. It had suddenly stopped working, almost out of the blue. And no matter how much I wanted the security that everything would be returned to normal, it was out of my control. We can hope and pray, and wait for word from the professionals, and hope and pray and wait some more. And that’s about it.
After a month, I still hadn’t heard from the Data Recovery People, and so I finally emailed them again. I had probably avoided contacting them before because I didn’t want to hear the worst: that somehow it had gotten lost in the post, and there was no drive for them to recover, if it was even possible. They responded quickly to my message, at least, telling me that my precious box had arrived but the order had got misplaced. (It was kind of them to offer free shipping…too bad I couldn’t get the hours of lost sleep back, right?)
Anyway… back to my parallels about Vernon floating out in perceived space, on his adventure back to whole and healthy life, this silly hard drive full of memories had become a real symbol. Somehow I decided that the return of the fixed drive would a kind of sign of Vernon returning to me with his mind renewed and complete. Like the dove that returns with an olive branch.
Apparently the damage was worse than I had anticipated (of the hard drive) but $600 later, a new drive with all my restored folders is being sent to me in the mail today. It’s expensive (to me) but also (to me) those files are priceless. And to add to the wonder of it all, the same day I got the bill, I also got a large check in the mail that covered the cost… a surprise residual check from episodes aired in 1996—that’s money owed me from 18 years ago! Will miracles never cease? (I hope not!)
I am on my way to the hospital after this post, but I must add one more thing. Yesterday, Vernon was more physically active than I have seen yet. He was turning his head and moving his left arm and leg a LOT. He was also smiling and beginning to nod ‘yes and no’ to some of my questions. Maybe the symbol of the hard drive coming back after so much concern and time is right-on, after all! The timing sure fits!
“That is why we are not discouraged. Though outwardly we are wearing out, inwardly we are renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4: 16
