by Allison Moore | Dec 14, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Justine Harper is such a sweet little nurse. Bit bossy, but she comes by it naturally.
It chipped at my heart to hear Vernon say she is mostly mine and a little bit his. And Justine agreed with him, with the deep brand of wisdom only shared by 4 year olds and their elders. I suppose because I’m the one of us caring for her this year, there is a current truth to it. But I don’t want either of them to believe she is more mine than his.
He never speaks this way about Maki…they have a much longer relationship and years of bonding. He is always spot-on when he refers to his son. But with Justine, he gets her name wrong all the time….though he understand that he is her father and she is his daughter. I think some confusion surrounds her because she falls into his shorter-term memory.
I encouraged her to climb into the hospital bed so he could embrace her. She was nervous about all the feeding tubes, etc, but she managed to work around them. Maybe I was living slightly vicariously here, as I always feel nervous getting right in there with him. I feel bulky, big, a danger to him in my affection. But she is little and sweet…herself completely, but maybe a symbolic love letter at the same time.
And suddenly, she was HIS daughter. Once he got to hold her again, rather than just listen to her comic little monologues, I could see the shift. He absolutely knew. She DID belong to him…he could snuggle and kiss her like he should have been doing for the past seven months. Time folded up again and they were connected. We often talk about the power of touch…but I think its more than just touch…its hugging, embracing, truly engaging that is healing. Otherwise, its just a handshake. Who handshakes with their own small, adorable child?
My camera made it a little late for the 10 kisses Justine gave her dad…but he obviously didn’t want to miss a one.
A kiss seals two souls for a moment in time. ~Levende Waters
by Allison Moore | Dec 14, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Another corner of our busy season is turned. Maki took off for Christmas in New Zealand last night. Every time he flies, it strikes me what a savvy kid he really is. He’s so relaxed about traveling, having lived between countries from the time he was a baby.
His mom and dad are savvy at this kind of thing too. But this was the first time I was in charge of his travel plans (from this end, anyway—actually, I can’t take much credit as his mother arranged the tickets, I just drove him to the airport!) I was the fussy one…making sure over and over that he had his passport and his oversized present to his mum that he’d bought at last week’s craft fair…I wasn’t sure if at 13, things changed and they start traveling unsupervised. Of course, there was nothing to worry about.
The flight was two hours late because of the rain storm in LA, but what providence that some of our dearest friends recently moved an hour from the airport! So we were able to entertain Justine, hang out, have dinner, and watch a movie in a cozy place as we waited. He didn’t leave till 11pm in the end, but I continue to be how when potentially stressful things happen, we find there is a comfort zone waiting in there somewhere. Even the skies cleared up significantly as we first left for the airport in the afternoon, and Maki pointed out a fuzzy rainbow. We took it as a sign that everything would be okay.
And it was. And it will be.
Happy Christmas, Maki. Have a great time with your family in NZ. Big love to them, too!
by Allison Moore | Dec 11, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Because our anniversary falls so close to my birthday, we decided a few years ago that the only way we would remember to celebrate it annually is to buy something we both like for the home. We’ve never gone big, but at least there is a little story behind those few pieces we picked up. This year came and went without celebrating or shopping. But I kept thinking, I really should have picked up something—even if he wasn’t around to help me choose.
Well, my chance came when I started looking for a kitchen table on Craigslist the other night. We will be moving soon and will need a table and chairs. Somehow these things were supplied in all of the last four places we’ve rented. Come to think of it, we have NEVER owned a proper table. I remember shortly before leaving England, I had a dream about a beautiful French Farmhouse table and later telling Vernon that it seemed like a symbol of wanting to settle down somewhere finally. You can’t easily send tables back and forth across the ocean. Ever since then, we’ve kept our eyes out for tables and enjoyed pointing them out to each other, but we never bought one. We haven’t needed one.
We will be downsizing this time so I thought a round table would fit the space best. I couldn’t believe my luck when I found this amazing 1960’s table with five chairs! Its the coolest set I’ve ever seen and matches our other furniture perfectly! Definitely something to settle down with. After the other good things coming to pass this month, I could barely believe I’d ALSO get to have this special dining set for such a great price. Merry Christmas, indeed! And Happy Anniversary, while we are at it!
I was advised beforehand that there were a lot of scratches and wear, the chairs need to be reupholstered, and one doesn’t even have a seat. But I’m sure they can be fixed up. Vernon was in the furniture restoration business for awhile, after all. I mentioned all this to him today and he offered to restore them. Hmmm…its awfully tempting to let him try. But we may need to sit on the chairs before he is able to do it.
I was kind of nervous we wouldn’t actually get the furniture (because others were apparently interested too) so I got over there at the seller’s earliest convenience. It turned out she was only 10 minutes away, and everything JUST fit into the granny-wagon (Vernon and Maki’s name for my car.) In fact, we couldn’t have squeezed another thing in. I’m always looking for signs, and this just seemed meant to be.
So Happy Anniversary to us. A little late, but what perfect timing!
“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit, and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” —Albert Einstein
Well, I’d say three out of four ain’t bad.
(not our house…these are photos from the ad)
One more thing I want to mention so I don’t forget. Today, as Vernon was sitting at the lunchtime table, trying his three nibbles of chicken and rice, he kept calling it “Dogfood” and the nurse helping him, the “Director of Dogfood,” I knew he still doesn’t have much appetite or interest in eating, but that did seem a little harsh. It was funny though.
by Jen | Dec 11, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Letter from Vernon’s Mum, Dad & Sister Vanessa
Having seen the beautiful photographs, and comments, regarding the recent Craft Market that Allison entered on her blog, I feel I must send a message relaying the gratitude of Vernon’s family in England to all you wonderful folk who supported this event.
To say a mere “Thank you very much” sounds so inadequate when we think of all the thought, planning, ideas, detail and time that must have gone before the Craft Market could be officially opened.
That you gave your time so willingly to produce such works of art and then allowed them to be sold for the benefit of raising funds for Vernon’s family is such an act of unconditional caring and love.
To add to this you then turned around and put your hands into your pockets and bought so many objects that others had donated.
If only we could have been there with you and joined in the happiness that must have abounded, after so many months of sadness.
We are planning to visit Vernon and his family in March, next year and really hope that we are able to meet some of you then.
Thank you to those of you who are still able to visit our dear son in Hospital. We also thank you all for the Prayers you have said for Vernon throughout these last seven long months, and for the many Prayers that are still being said for his full recovery.
May God Bless you all.
In Love and Light.
Vernon’s family in England
by Allison Moore | Dec 11, 2014 | Uncategorized |
First, I want to thank everyone who has lifted up prayers and hopes for my meeting with Social Security today. Even though my driving and paper-chasing started at 7 am and I didn’t get home till about 6 (when the REAL work began. Hello, JUSTINE!) I felt so grounded and peaceful, like a little boat flowing through a gently twisting river. Pardon the Hallmark-card prose, it was a long day.
I had to fight the corporate world traffic of Costa Mesa to get to Newport, where Vernon was still asleep, but though it usually takes a while to bring him into the present, he was willing and able to sign some most-important form, looking a little bewildered but clearly moved when I told him I had to leave so soon, but that I was doing it to ‘take care of him.’ Maybe it was the morning light, but for the first time, that didn’t seem lost on him.
Going to the Social Security offices is nothing like going to the Consulate in London or the Embassy in LA, in terms of nerves, queues, or intensity—but it brought back all the times I’ve had to turn in paperwork and interview at those official places before. It seems forms and deadlines will always be at the base of our marriage. Passports, tickets, Visas, Social Security, National Insurance, tests, fees, and ever more legal hoops to jump through. Take heed, all you single guys and gals that get all giddy over a foreign accent and the mysterious je ne se quais that some good-looking stranger brings to your world. If all goes well, you will be standing in long official lines after panicking over which box in the garage holds some important document you haven’t thought about for 10 years but held on to just-in-case.
Just kidding: it’s totally worth it.
Hilariously, somehow a metal fork had remained in my bag after a packed-lunch last week (that rare day I planned ahead.) I should have known my organization that day would bite me back, because I was sent out of the building by the security guard, more than slightly embarrassed that he might have imagined me, even for a second, stabbing someone in the neck under his watch. Well, better safe than sorry!
So I finally met the woman who has been managing Vernon’s case and she was so lovely. It turned out she too had a husband with some kidney issues too. Perhaps that’s why she seemed so compassionate to our story. Whatever the case, she was wonderful, just like she has been on my voice mail all week. I felt that our case was in good hands and that as soon as I got every last detail in, things would go as they should. She gave me no sign that Vernon would not be approved. In fact, it looks like we have the option of collecting insurance for the past several months.
I’m on a major learning curve with insurance and whatever I learn may never help another soul, as each case seems to be so different, but basically, what I have come to understand today is the Medicare (at least the option that Vernon should get) is a sort of Second Insurance. More doors will open to him, but the options still are not unlimited. Each echelon of care allows a different amount of insurance spending. And Medicare gives a big boost.
Next stop after my SS appointment? Mission Hospital, our stomping ground of the summer. I was hoping to track down Vernon’s Nephrologist. Of course he wasn’t there, but the nurses at the desk of the Stroke Unit remembered me— well, they remembered Vernon. It was so sweet how they asked about him. They said its so nice to hear about how their patients are doing, down the line…often they never hear back.
It was strange being at the Hospital again, where I was every single day for over three months. I’ll admit it: it felt like HOME. I felt like I was visiting my alma mater but none of the staff had changed. I visited a new area though: the Rehabilitation wing. Remember when Vernon wasn’t eligible for the Rehab floor at the hospital? Well, just like Rancho Los Amigos, they offer a short but dynamic program. Another option to throw into the mix. Every step of the way, Insurance is an issue, so with the Medicare Card nearly in my pocket, I felt like I could ask another layer of questions that had been silenced by “NO” before.
It made me reflect: perhaps there is a Grand Reason that Vernon’s kidneys were allowed to fail. It had seemed so tragically out-of-the-blue when it happened. In fact that was the day (10 days in) his body function had gone backwards so suddenly that we could have lost him. (We were told later that the doctors were about to advise us to send for his family in England in case they had to say goodbye. ) And what an inconvenience triweekly Dialysis is—don’t even get me started—and this is just the beginning!
But would we have this chance at Medicare without it? Absolutely not. If all goes well, Vernon’s dysfunctional kidneys may be his ticket to better rehab, to eventual home-care, to fuller health. Ouch! How many times has that thing you wanted so badly to go away been your bridge to a better life? More than you can count, most likely
Ouch!
I couldn’t visit the old campus without seeing David, my favorite barista-psychologist. Man, I miss that guy…he makes a 10 minute coffee-break feel like a holiday. Everyone leaves his kiosk feeling a little more special. Just for fun, some trivia about David: his granddaughter is the adorable Zoe Lush of internet fame. Check her out.
I won’t do blow-by-blows of the rest of the day, but I will say it was informative. I learned a little more about how the system works, at least at this point. I think we have some new options. I DID find Dr. Pang in his office (as well-dressed as ever) and he was thrilled to hear Vernon was out of his coma and responsive. Amazing to keep hearing the impact Vernon had on people’s memories, even though he was asleep. What a guy! Dr. Pang remembered me too. “Always smiling,” he said. Funny…
I really hope things work out. I think they will. No, I KNOW they will. I’ve walked (driven) in that knowing all day, and it was great. I feel energized. This is beyond me…so thank you, thank you for your prayers of HOPE!
Please don’t stop.
by Allison Moore | Dec 9, 2014 | Uncategorized |
It has been a couple of months since Maila, Vernon’s hairdresser came for a visit. He was in dire need of a trim. I don’t think Vernon spends much time looking in the mirror in this nursing home, but I know he sill loves the process of having his hair cut. He seemed very tired and didn’t say much today, but he seemed to enjoy the extra pampering.
We were surprised to see him waiting for us in a proper wheel chair when we showed up. This is a good thing, I think. The footplates were rigged up so that his legs couldn’t slip to the floor. He complained a bit about the pain from sitting, but this has to be good for his back and core muscles, much better than reclining all the time, as he has been. I expect he will soon figure out to turn and steer the wheels himself.
While we were visiting, Maila told me an interesting story. The other day, she ran into someone at the gym. They got to talking and Maila mentioned coming up to cut Vernon’s hair. The other person realized who she was talking about because she had been one of the nurses at Mission hospital, while Vernon was still in his long coma. Apparently, she was really moved to find out that he was actually recovering—and doing well. She said she truly hadn’t known if Vernon would ever really wake up.
That coma was only a few months ago, but to me it seems like years. That nurse’s words help me refresh my perspective. Being such a present person in his recovery process, sometimes I almost forget how far he has come. Methinks it’s the “watched-pot-never-boils syndrome,” very easy to fall into. Thankfully other people come in to remind me…sometimes even strangers out of the blue.
Tomorrow I have a 9 am appointment at the Social Security office, hoping to help move along his application for Medicare. Due to his End Stage Renal Disease, he is eligible for the plan, but as he isn’t an American Citizen, I’m hoping my own Social Security credits will cover him. I know I have worked and paid taxes for most of my life, and hopefully, our marriage will help him out with these benefits. If he can get Medicare, we will have many more options for progressive therapy. Although he has been receiving excellent care at the Subacute, for the past month, I have felt we are just falling through cracks in the system. I believe Medicare will make a big difference to his long term recovery. I’m praying hard that he will be approved.
“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” —Tom Bodett
