by Allison Moore | Aug 18, 2014 | Uncategorized |
“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.” ― Walt Whitman
My mother has been getting fascinating and encouraging emails from a friend (a true warrior woman) whose son was in a bad accident similar to Vernon’s. It was a long journey, and against the odds he survived. She sent the following memory to my mother today. It gave me a new perspective that perhaps Vernon isn’t just pining away for connection while we are not by his side. Of course I don’t know yet if this is what he is going through, but I found it so encouraging, I wanted to share.
Both the tibia and the fibia were completely broken in two and his knee cap was shattered. They had to put rods and screws in the bone to hold it in place. He developed an infection they figured that hid on the rod and they had to remove the rod put in anti biotic beads and then after a couple weeks they put in a new rod. It was difficult for all concerned but part of the journey. Of course his communication levels changed during this time. What I am so thankful for is that he has no memories of the hard times at that time. And also at the time, he basically lived in the moment. If you were there it was like you had always been there and when you were away he did not recognize the time like how long he was alone or how long you were gone. So much of his mental cognizance was basically taken with the moment and recovery. He was basically happy unless the meds were late. Once they got the meds properly adjusted. By the time he was ready to go to rehab he was so much further along mentally and so ready physically to work hard. At the time we were more anxious as to losing time or things gained. But remember always God is making all things new.
This is also a reminder that my parallel-life goes on away from the hospital bed-side. I can be fully present in the moment with him but also fully engaged in the moments happening away from him. After all, “Life is available only in the present moment.” (Thich Nhat Hanh)
Above is a watercolor of Vernon and Maki on our trip to Wales with his family, two years ago. His talented mother made it especially for Vernon in this time, celebrating his ‘happy place’—fishing! Though he is very aware of our company when visitors are with him, I would like to think he is enjoying the moments in his mind while we are away, perhaps doing something like this.
One more thing: Vernon showed great response in his right hand again today, moving his fingers and squeezing a ball. This is the hand that has been falling limp as the left side has been gaining strength and dexterity. I am so thankful that connections continue to be made behind the scenes.
by Allison Moore | Aug 17, 2014 | Day by Day, Uncategorized |
Bugs. Germs. Infections. Isolation. Its all par for the course in long hospital stays. But its no fun for Vernon or his loved ones.
JUST SAY NO TO SUPERBUGS!
He has been in the hospital for 12 weeks now and has been in isolation for two. I must say he has done pretty well, staying healthy for most of his time there.
Fortunately, his visitors —as long as we cover up and wash properly—are safe from germs. But we have to suit up to keep the virus from spreading elsewhere in the hospital.
Above: my mother, Anne, visiting with Vernon earlier today.
Vernon has continued to show physical progress this week, as well as showing more and more awareness of his visitors and the names/suggestions we drop into our conversations with him (can we call them such?)
However, this past week he has seemed weak and tired in our interactions. He still fights to work and communicate as he can, though. After the big breakthroughs of the past weeks, I had been concerned that his brain was going back under the water, despite his recent improvements. But today, the doctor walked me through the list of the infections he has at the moment (as well as what he has been receiving as treatment.) He explained that Vernon’s current exhausted state is due to the fact that his body is fighting so hard against the infections.
I know it has been a long haul so far. And so many of our friends/readers have been faithful in keeping Vernon in their thoughts and prayers, despite how long this has been going on. And yet again, I ask for you to lift him up in your hearts. He will certainly have an amazing story to tell…even if we have to fill in the details for him later.
I get it. I understand this is typical of vulnerable long-term patients like Vernon. But it is hard to watch my loved-one feel sick, whether it be a flu at home or an infection in the hospital. Lets make it go away!
In gratitude always,
Allison
by Jen | Aug 16, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Just wanted to share about my time visiting with Vernon today.
I showed him a series of photos from last week where I attempted to capture Justine’s act of pretending to be Allison. I had taken a video, but once we had put her on camera, she had stopped the full-blown ‘pretending to be my Mom’ performance. You know how kids are. 😉 Anyhow, once I got to this picture, well, there was that smile from Vernon that’s been beginning to show up. Thanks Justine for the comedy!
When I go to visit Vernon, I’m not one of those talented singers or guitarist types, but I do enjoy sharing and reading to him about what’s been happening in the design world. Today I read him a couple of typography articles recently posted on Fast Company and NPR…interesting stuff, actually. And hopefully he enjoyed hearing the latest…although some of this was probably old-hat to him.
What was unique about reading to Vernon today is when I got to a line that mentioned another font designer, I asked if he knew who that was. Looked up to the most definite nod. Well, that was new to me, and I was glad for the responses in interacting today.
– Jen
by Allison Moore | Aug 16, 2014 | Uncategorized |
This has been a special week for Justine and me, as we had beloved visitors at the house.
Two of my dear friends from CalArts days came to hang out with us…one bringing her 7 year old son who has long been another brother-figure to Justine.
I’ve known my girlfriends for 22 years each, so it was really nice of them to come and take care of us, filling the fridge, doing the laundry, taking us out, generally spoiling us rotten.
We laughed as we looked back at our friendship…wondering what our younger selves would have thought about our conversations about reading glasses and blood-pressure medications. Of course that would get us laughing all over again.
Besides hospital visits (they wanted to spend time with Vernon too), and a trip to Legoland for the kiddos, we all went whale watching on what turned out to be a magnificent summer afternoon.
It didn’t take long for the captain to find a good spot, and we must have seen about 10 blue whales on our two-hour tour (some close up…some further away, so we could only see the spray.)
The sight of a whale should take anyone’s breath away. Here is a mother and child.
A blue whale is the largest animal on earth and so elusive, its a treat to catch a view. They only come to the surface for about a minute at a time before going under for another 9 minutes. Once it goes down for food, all we can do is scan the ocean for more, wondering where it will surface again, and hoping that we are close when it does.
And it feels like a long time. But its still pleasant. For me the ocean air felt so good, so fresh on a warm day, the sound of the water lapping against the boat was calming. In some ways I enjoyed just being out in the big blue more than watching for whales.
And then there was the view.
And DOLPHINS! What could be better than frolicking dolphins, really?
And then…the grand event emerges again.
Only to go under for another 9 minutes…
While out on the water, I started to reflect on the similarities of watching Vernon’s progress. Granted, the ‘out at sea’ metaphor has come up many times in this journey, and whale watching gave it yet another dimension. I get so excited when I see a new movement or sign of awareness from Vernon, and maybe it lasts for a couple of days before he ‘goes under’ again…out of tiredness or a fever or maybe even the dialysis wearing him out for awhile. Maybe his brain is just taking a break after the effort of making new connections. I have to be careful when this happens not to get frustrated, watching the same spot too obsessively, because I might miss his surfacing somewhere else. I have to keep my eyes scanning the horizon loosely.
It does sometimes feel that for every one minute of surfacing, there is another 9 minutes of inactivity.
So I have to be aware of the other wonderful things happening are all around me. The fresh air, the magnificent view, the joy of the dolphins, the beauty of passing sailboats, the stillness of the moment I am in.
Because he will surface again. He always does. And it is always a wonder . And it is worth the wait.
by Allison Moore | Aug 15, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Apparently it was International Left Hander’s Day this week. Apparently they make up only 10% of the population.
Vernon seems to be turning into a left-hander (for the time being) himself. Here is a little video of one of his recent activities: finding his bearings, and holding on. He did this over and over, even after he got it right…I think he might be planning his escape route.
by Allison Moore | Aug 12, 2014 | Uncategorized |
I haven’t known what to write lately. I am encouraged by all the latest improvements, but honestly, they only leave me wanting MORE.
Just as it has been all along, one breakthrough does not mean the next day will be full of more breakthroughs. He gets worn out easily still.
I keep the hope, because it keeps us going. And it does pay off. But truthfully, today…. my heart is weary, and we are nowhere near close to the finish line…in fact, I have no idea what mile we are on. There is no map…apparently, we are writing the map as we make the journey.
I miss him. The children do too. We are holding up, and we know he is getting better, but we miss him being with us. I’m feeling sad. I can’t dwell in that feeling long but lately its been growing. Its not like the times we have been apart before where we can at least send emails and phone-calls. This is a long time apart. I am speaking for the children here too, but we all feel it. We distract ourselves and we do our daily lives, and there has been a lot to fulfill us. Still, it is there.
It will get better. We have not lost him. We know it could be worse. He will come home. But we are sad. We still miss our daddy/Vernon.
I look forward to school starting. Having a more normal routine. I look forward to Vernon moving to a rehab facility and getting the use of his body and speech back. I look forward to Maki and Justine being together, for Maki and his dad to share some time. I look forward to getting on with our autumn lives.
It’s been a long summer.
This is one of a series of photos that my sister in law, Nicole Moore, took of the family 18 months ago. For more of this series, click here.
